Monday, March 30, 2009

Memory Lane Monday #6

I am nothing if not a sucker for nostalgia. With 11 hours until I get on the airport bus and 15 hours until departure to my fave homeland I present to you:



Born in the USA by Bruce Springsteen

Last weeks MLM was irritating, nobody can deny that, but am I the only American who thinks this song is about 6 minutes too long? On and on and on, the same thing over and over. Especially when he's letting the audience sing the chorus! Alright, Bruce, you're American. We get it. Now STFU. Do I have to give up my passport now that I've said that?

And am I the only one who thinks performing this song in East Berlin is like baking the worlds largest pie in a Sudanese refugee camp? And then not letting them eat it? It's like "Hey, oppressed people, let me rub in your faces how free I am and how great my democratic homeland is. Enjoy your stale bread crust rations while I drone on and on and on about where I was born. Freedom, freedom, freedom." Come on, Bruce, show some respect.

To sum it all up I, like Bruce, was born in the USA. I am ever so happy to be heading back for a visit these next 2 weeks! I just need Mother Nature to take a look at my karmic record and treat me appropriately. I need to get where I'm going on schedule! Please, please, pleeeeeease, Mama Nature!

Sunday, March 29, 2009

Strayed From the Flock

My last few blog posts have been Debbie Downers so let's liven things up with this tasty image:


www.churchsigngenerator.com, use and abuse it as much as I am!

And yes, I know I'm going straight to hell. But that's cool, that's where all my friends will be!

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Fargo/Moorhead SOS

Anybody reading this who can actually help will no doubt know this by now, but: If you are anywhere near Fargo, ND or Moorhead, MN get thyself there immediately and help fight the impending flood. It's blizzarding now, which can only make matters worse. And keeping people from getting there to help. BOO, Mother Nature you evil biz-natch!

I'm dying to help in any way I can. If you have any ideas about how I can help from a huge distance let me know! I'll be there in 2 weeks; hopefully there won't be much damage to be cleaned up!

P.S. Check out the national news coverage ND is getting:

CNN
http://us.cnn.com/2009/US/weather/03/25/north.dakota.flooding/index.html

MSNBC
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/29873706/

I will never cease to get a kick out of seeing North Dakota in the national news. Never!

I didn't realize Bismarck was getting it so bad. I'm rooting for them, too, I just have zero emotional attachment to the place since I've been there I think a total of 4 times in my life. To sum it all up:

I love you, ND! To quote a wise man, "Don't you go dyin' on me!"

Monday, March 23, 2009

Memory Lane Monday #5

This is the most nerve-grinding, nails-on-a-chalkboard annoying MLM to date but I feel it's necessary:



Le Freak by Chic

Why? Why in God's name you might ask I choose such a crap-tacular song for my one precious weekly song? It's for the same reason anybody in America does anything, really. Because I've got a political soapbox to get on and holler from!

Background story on this song. Several years ago, I'd guess about 5, my baby sister Jenna and I were shopping at the Old Navy in Fargo when this song came on. You might be asking yourself what we classy ladies were doing at Old freaking Navy but I must remind you I was 21 (give or take) at the time and Jenna was pretty much a zygote.

Anyways, this song came on and we could have swore that the song says "Awww....FREAK OUT....something something....say shit". To which we replied "How can one say 'say shit' at Old Navy?!" But after looking up the lyrics (yes, to this day I still kind of thought they said 'say shit' but knew it could not be so) they in fact say "Awww....FREAK OUT....Le Freak...C'est Chic" as if that makes a damn bit of sense. I don't speak freaky deaky French.

Now: My afformentioned political soapbox. The same little sister who was but a sperm fertilized egg half a decade ago (hyperbole, much?) is now all grown up, and driving pickup trucks like the good little cowgirl she is. And today she crashed that pickup truck, and rolled it two times. And she was wearing her seatbelt. Ergo, the worst she got was 4 stitches in her lip.

In 2004, the most recent year in which my lazy self could find statistics, there were 42,636 road deaths in the USA. Care to guess how many of those were because of non-use of seatbelts? I have no idea. I'm not going to look that up. But my barely-educated guess would be A Shit Load.

So the moral of the story here is wear your seatbelt. You'd be absolutely stupid not to. It seems like every single week I read an article in the newspaper about somebody under 30 (under 25 or 20 even) who is killed in a car crash. And the writers, bless their souls, go to great lengths to say ominously "he was not wearing a seatbelt". And yet people still don't learn! It blows the mind.

Bottom line: Wear your seatbelt = live. Don't wear your seatbelt = die. It's your choice. I'm glad my little sis, at just shy of 20, made the choice to live. I knew I didn't change those diapers for nothing! Love ya, squaw baby.

Afterthought: It would have been totes appropriate to have Joe Diffie's fabulous tune Pickup Man as my MLM #5 song, especially since Jenna's the biggest country bumpkin I know, but I thought I would annoy the crap out of you all with this say shit song. I could only make it through half. Anybody who makes it start to finish deserves a medal!

Afterthought #2: I was writing "will post pic of pickup when I get it" and wham, James sent it along. Feast your eyes on this next time you say "meh, I don't need to wear my seatbelt":


I'd say 4 stitches is a pretty small price to pay for taking a dirt bath in this big red beaut.


Seatbelts save lives! And I'm out.

Friday, March 20, 2009

Lost: Reward if Found

I don't know if I've ever been so mad at myself. I lost my favorite jacket ever. No, not lost, just "temporarily misplaced". I have this strange feeling that one day it's going to come back to me . And I'm going to feel like a jackass for misplacing it for so long, in a location I cannot recall.

This is the only known picture of said jacket, and it's not the best shot of it:


The pic: So classy it kind of brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it?

I loved that jacket. I (ahem, Martin) bought it last spring when I didn't have my visa so we had only one income and we were so poor we could barely afford to freaking eat much less buy a spring jacket. But we got me the jacket (and scarf, also shown, which I equally love. I'd die if that disappeared, too) and it made me really, really happy. And now it's gone. Sad face. :(

With my upcoming USA trip I needed a decent, dark jacket so I had to go buy another one. Same price, loved half as much. Boo! Here's similar to what I got (not exact):



I got it in black but you can see the detail better on this color. Additionally, my old one was a navy blue color, so much preferred over black but I figured since this is Round 2 I better go for function over style. My old one made me look super slim and this one makes me look hippy, which is the one thing I am not.

I realize it's petty and ridiculous to bitch and moan over a lost jacket but that jacket was the first decent thing I got in a really, really long time after moving here. It made me feel like an actual grown-up human being who doesn't have to get married just for the rice. Bottom line: That jacket made me happy during a super shitty time. And I want her (she's no longer an it) back!

If you see my beloved misplaced baby you bring her back home to me. Like I said I know she's going to come back to me one day, I just hope it's not 50 pounds from now (she's pretty snug the way it is). $20 (100 kr) reward to whoever brings my baby back home!

Monday, March 16, 2009

Memory Lane Monday #4

Beware, folks, this one is a creepy one. Growing up in BF Nowhere, ND we did not have MTV until I was gone off to college. We did, however, have VH1 and trust me when I say VH1 never showed anything like this:



"Jeremy" by Pearl Jam

The first time I laid eyes on this video was in about 6th grade (1994/1995). VH1 was no doubt spinning the Billy Joel "In the Middle of the Night" video for the 10th time that day when Casy brought over a VHS tape of - hold your breath - 6 hours of taped MTV music videos! Do you have any idea what kind of excitement that produces in a 12 year old, MTV-less small town girl?! Her brother lived in a far off, magical land (Grand Forks, I believe it was) and had graciously gave her a tape recording MTV for all to enjoy.

Boy am I glad he did. I did a lot of growing up the day I saw this video.

I distinctly remember seeing the gun at the end on our tape. A gun! This clearly was a pre-Columbine world. I'll bet this video is nowhere near the airwaves today, even in a heavily edited form. And I didn't realize (spoiler alert) until Casy's mom mentioned that Jeremy killed himself at the end, not his classmates. Had she not said that to this day I'd still be thinking he killed them, not himself. Am I the only one who made that mistake?

I also loved this video because Jeremy reminded me of the love of my life at the time, Brad Renfro:



That is, before he turned into a total crackhead and OD'd or fell off a bridge or whatever classy form of crackhead death he chose.

So I hope I have effectively scared the pants off of you with Eddie Vedder's demonic, vein-bulging look. And reminded you not to pick on the quiet kid with a crappy home life. The consequences, as we have learned since more innocent times when this video came out, could be dire!

Saturday, March 14, 2009

Selleck Love

Some might say finding a man older than your father sexy is creepy. Especially when that man isn't Sean Connery. Well let me take you on a pleasant trip down moustache memory lane:


I present to you Tom Selleck. Tell me that isn't sexy! He makes that 'stache work. I can think of no other man on earth who can rock it so well.

Here are a few fun Tom Selleck facts: he was originally supposed to play Indiana Jones (yay) and he endorsed McCain this past election (boo). He's a big NRA supporter (no feelings either way on that one) and was born January 29, 1945. Yes, folks, Tom Selleck was born during World War II. Damn that's old! For me to consider him sexy, I mean. If anybody is keeping track: He is 15 months older than my dad. Little bit creepy, no?

My attraction to this man, I can only assume, dates back to 1987 and his fine performance in the fabulous film 3 Men and a Baby. Man that movie kicked ass. And that little baby was really cute. Then the 1990 sequel 3 Men and a Little Lady. Ted Danson, Steve Guttenberg, Tom Selleck. What's not to love?!

Then he was later on Friends as Monica's much older, former-childhood-dentist-turned-love-interest. Again, sexy as all get out. I take that as validation that I'm not the only one who A) is young enough to be his daughter yet B) would totally make out with him.

In closing, it is impossible for me to shorten his name to anything less than "Tom Selleck". He commands such respect! And it is impossible for me to look at him and not think, "Daaaamn!" Does that make me sick?

Monday, March 9, 2009

Memory Lane Monday #3

It's that time of week again, folks. I present to you what I think to be my favorite song by this group:



"Mad Season" by Matchbox 20

Matchbox 20 is probably my favorite current/living band. And by saying "current" you can see how hideously out of date my music tastes really are. I prefer show tunes and a mismash of random artists, so sue me. But I heart Matchbox 20! And all their songs are good so it's hard to choose.

I also like this video. First, because Rob Thomas is H-O-T. Second, because at about 2:30 the cops and crowd start fight dancing. Choreographed fight dancing, people! If there's one thing in this whole world that I want is for my life to be more like a musical and people randomly burst out into song and dance. Love that about this video! And lastly there's a cute/quirky ending, that you don't see coming. Even if you don't like the song (I don't remember it getting as huge as their other songs) stick around for a satisfying ending.

Another anecdote from my wild 'n crazy past: I saw these guys in concert at the FargoDome shortly after graduating high school in 2001. I went with a bunch of random friends (Casy, Delani & Sara) who had nothing in common except me. And it was a grand old time.

Better than the concert was watching people walk from the staircase that connected the mezzanine to the floor. It was all lit with lightbulbs but the top bulb was burned out so you couldn't tell if there was a stair to get onto the platform or if it was flat. So people would come waltzing through, then fumble/stumble/trip onto the platform because they couldn't see the ground. It's hard to explain in writing but trust me - it was better than an entire episode of people wiping out on AFV and that alone was totally worth the ticket price!

Friday, March 6, 2009

Friday News Night

Look what my dad is ever so generous to send me!



8 Walhalla Mountaineers! Hooray for small town newspapers! I have literally tens of minutes of entertainment ahead of me with these. It's quite an effective gossip rag. I devour each of them like a package of Twizzlers (which I recently did, in public. It was not pretty).

One gripe: In the subscription section it says that international shipping is $55 per year. Would I (*ahem* my dad *ahem*) pay $55 for 52 copies of this paper every year? Oh hells yes. But when my dad goes to order they say no, in fact it cannot be shipped abroad because there's not enough overseas people who order it and make a bulk shipping rate possible. Boo! Then why is it listed as an option?!

So JimBo sends me 4 at a time in a manila envelope, at great expense to himself ($4-6), for which I am forever thankful.

Monday, March 2, 2009

Memory Lane Monday #2

Before I unveil my second superfab blast from the past music video I have to ask: Is it possible to trade in my American citizenship and Norwegian residency to live in Sweden for just one day? Despite their dreadfully silly language (tack sรถ mycket - I mean what is that?!) they have the best. music. ever. Case in point:



"Joyride" by Roxette

I have several important points to bring up:

1. If I ever have a female child she will be named Roxette.

2. Sweden, God bless 'em, has given us, in chronological order:
ABBA
Roxette
Ace of Base

Seriously, where do I go to defect?!

3. What is up with their hair?! Granted it was the early 90's but I want to know how she (Marie Fredriksson) had a super stylish 'do channeling Agyness Deyn:


Yet he (Per Gessle) looks like freaking Linda Richmond from Coffee Talk:


But I am not here to play Jan Thomas (American refrence: Jonathan Antin). I am here to offer you absolutely kick ass music from Sweden.

Though this song came out in 1991 it will forever remind me of the 2001 North Dakota Class B boys basketball tournmanet in Minot, ND. It is, was, and always will be the best weekend ever spent in ND in my entire life. We're #1! We're #1! In your face, Evan Lindahl.


Sunday, March 1, 2009

Mr. President

Sorry I haven't been able to entertain you lately; I was at an education fair at the Oslo Spektrum from Thursday to Saturday. And was at a seminar at the U.S. Embassy on Wednesday night. So Sunday is the first day I've had to wear sweatpants all day and blog! Look who I ran in to!
A cardboard cutout of my beloved president, whose face is clearly superimposed onto somebody elses body. Look at those hands! Not his! Nor does he wear glasses (that I know of), so why is the cutout holding a pair of Coke bottle glasses? And the cutout clearly has been "lightened up" a bit. Meh, he attracted a lot of attention and brought a lot of people to our stand.

Check out my brain child:

I was pretty proud of coming up with this. Just as we were tearing down our stand at the end of the fair the British people at the booth next door came over and told us it should've read "Yes we can - study in the U.S." Those smart Brits, that would've been even better!

I couldn't count the number of people who took a picture with the cutout. And we could've made a killing auctioning it off, by the number of people who offered to buy it! I just hope the Obama wave keeps up, not just for the sake of the world but for the sake of recruiting students to study in the U.S.!