Thursday, August 1, 2013

We No Speak Americano - Part Deux

It's been over a year since my first post about the crazy shiz Australians say.  It's high time for another dip in the murky waters of what Australians consider the English language.  So put on your budgie smugglers (my last post explains what those are)....the water's great!  

H is pronounced haytch
Everybody knows that the Commonwealth countries (USA's neighbor to the north included) call the letter Z "zed".  Like, they made up a whole new word for the letter.  Well, Australians have taken it one step further and created a new word for another letter.  In both instances I deem this entirely unnecessary.  Z and H already have a name.  No need to go around making up more words.

"Keen as mustard"
I like the word keen.  It means eager or excited for something.  Keen as mustard, though.  What the hell does that mean?

Ahh, quite the literal bunch these Aussies are.

"Insert word here as"
This is probably my favorite linguistic phenomenon, and I use it whenever possible.  It's equal parts ridiculous and fun to say:

"It's hot as."
"I'm hungry as."
"That is funny as."

As what?!  At least there's an explanation for the mustard.  If you're not supposed to end a sentence with a preposition, you surely shouldn't be able to end a sentence with no end at all!

Bub = baby
Little Prince Georgie is widely known as The Royal Bub.  This word is adorable and should be adopted by the masses.  So cute.

Kerb = curb
The meaning is the same, but the spelling is different.  Same for tyre and tire.  My theory is this, and be warned it's an asshole American theory: We invented it, so we get to make the decisions.

USA! USA! USA! We're #1!  We're #1! We're #1!

This theory mainly applies to which side of the road we drive on.  Damn it, people, we invented the car so we get to decide!  Driving on the left side of the road terrifies me in a way few things in life do.  I wish so badly that America got to decide which side of the road the world drives on.

"She'll be right"
This is probably my second favorite Aussie saying.  No wait, scratch that, it's my first favorite.  Because it is so quintessentially Australian!  And so wildly, deliriously, childishly optimistic.  It means "everything will be OK" and can be used in the most innocent, innocuous situations to the most dire, hopeless ones.  Such optimism.  I love it.

Expletive is pronounced ex-plee-tive
Yeah, no.  Not even close.  And on that note...

Blooming = effing
If you're in the presence of your grandma or your boss and can't let the ex-plee-tives fly quite as freely as you'd like just say "It was blooming awesome" instead.

"Rattle your dags"
So this one is admittedly more Kiwi than Australian, but it's awesome and I have adopted it into my vernacular, so it's going here.  Let's break this down piece by piece.

There's no delicate way to say this, much less show it.  Buuuut here we go:

Dags are dingle berries.  Dried crap pieces stuck to the backside of a sheep.  These are a thing so pervasive they actually have a name of their own.  That fact alone is worthy of note and praise.

Apparently, when sheep start to run their dags jangle together and make a delightful wind chime-like noise.  Yeah, I'm totally kidding about that but when they run they do clank together and rattle.

So telling someone to rattle their dags, literally, means to hurry your ass up.


I've decided I'm going to end each one of these posts, which are super fun to write might I add, with one of these:


(Australians don't even remotely say that, but it totally looks like that Barbie is saying it.)