May The Force Be With You

I've always thought my absolute #1 dream job would be a regular cast member on Saturday Night Live. But after rewatching this for roughly the 40th time I'm amending that a little. I desperately want to be an "insult comic", like this little mutt Triumph.

I have been an avid (rabid?) Conan fan since about 1997. Like, publicly-celebrating-his-birthday rabid. Yikes. So I remember seeing this tasty gem when it first broadcast in the early 00's, and am proud to admit I rewatch it a few times per year just to keep the magic alive. It is that good.

If you have never seen this before shame on you. Here is the greatest Conan sketch (possibly the greatest few minutes of TV) of all time in 2 parts:






Here are a few of my favorite tidbits from that sketch:

"These are lonely men, who have never had sex. Not even with a Catholic priest."

"What are the Jedi knight principles?" *hears responses* "And to eat a lot of peanut M&M's"

To pregnant woman: "Wow. That's the last time he'll ever see female genitalia."

And tied for my favorite:

Spoken to the Lord of the Ring nerd, Blackworth the Drrragon Master, "And don't you forget to finish your Filet-o-Fish."

Spoken to Darth Vader himself, "Which of these buttons calls your parents to pick you up?"

There aren't even words for how freaking hilarious that was. Conan, I bow down before thee. If you're ever in the market for an insult comic, please, hire me!