Saturday, May 13, 2017

Ridiculous Obstacle Challenge

One of my crazy ass friends asked, "Hey, do you want to run a 5K?"

"Uhh, not really." Replied my lazy, unfit self.

"Yeah but what about one with obstacles?"

This is how 8 people on the continuum from marathon runner to heavy smoker came to be on an un-televized episode of Wipeout.

Starting line of the Ridiculous Obstacle Course, or ROC race.

We even got t-shirts!  Which were promptly desecrated into fashionable 80's-style belly shirts.

Speaking of the 80's, did you notice me wearing one of these bad boys?

Except mine is even less fashionable.

Haters gonna hate
In Australia, "fanny" means ladyparts (by which I mean vag).  So calling it a fanny pack brings many LOLs.  In polite company here this is called a bum bag.

My bum bag made this blog post possible, because I could carry my (water proof) camera around throughout the course.  A few other bits of information about it:

1. I didn't buy it just for this; I've had this thing for years.

2. I've worn it before.

3. Yes, in public (but in my defence only when exercising).

4. I originally put it on intending to fill it with gummy worms, but knowing what's in store during the race realized wet gummy worms would be pretty gross.

Have you not heard?  Eating gummy worms during a 5K is a thing that people do.  For sure.

There were 12 obstacles, each with unique and exciting opportunities to break a bone.

Apologies in advance for water smudges on the lens.  Being soaked from head to toe left me with no dry clothes to wipe the camera off for optimal photography.

Aqua Drag

And we're off!

You're not staying dry throughout this race, so get moistened early on this easy, non-sloping water slide.

Wrecking Balls

One of the more difficult challenges, because you have a slippery, narrow path to concentrate on with huge ass balls flying around.  I believe 2 of the 8 (a mere 25%) of us made it across successfully.  Here's Martin mere seconds before he hit the water:

You can see that left foot slipping straight into failure.

Barrel Bounce

A fairly simple concept just scramble over these barriers.  This was my first massive faceplant of the day, as the barriers roll, and as I was going over it rolled me back to the side I came from and onto my...fanny.

Jump Balls

They should call these Impossible Balls.  We didn't see anyone make it all the way through here, or even past the first ball.

These are also the reason I will probably have to roll out of bed tomorrow morning and army crawl around all day.  Someone said "the trick is to jump one foot on each ball" so I went into it with all my weight on one leg, which promptly crumbled and sent me flying.  I could've snapped my leg!

Cool Runnings

In addition to being the best named obstacle, it was also the most fun.  It's a big slide you ride down in an inner tube!

After hauling yourself and your tube up a big staircase, that is.

I did veer out of my lane and into Martin's, which resulted in his "sprained thumb", an injury which lasted mere minutes.

The Drop

Smaller slide, no inner tube.  Fairly uninteresting in comparison to the previous.

The Sweeper

This was a good one, and what you think of when you think of Wipeout.

Run your ass across and don't get knocked over by the spinny things.

Pro tip: you can crawl underneath and get through just fine.

Those things spin fast!

Sky High

Not much to report here.  Just jump like a kangaroo through what would better be used as a bouncy castle.

Check out those foreboding clouds!

Leap of Faith

a.k.a. Jump of Death.  Such a simple premise, with not-so-simple execution.

Look at this!

3 meters, 9.8 feet.  All you gotta do is jump.

It's hard to get over the mental hurdle to jump 10 feet!  A quote from me: "I don't like this one bit".  But I figured if I can jump out of an airplane, I can jump 10 damn feet.

Definitely the scariest obstacle of the bunch!

Badger Wall

A fancy name for just a wall.  The only obstacle that wasn't soft and squishy, and possibly borrowed from a military training facility.  This one resulted in the most elegant and ladylike photos.

Possibly of all time.

Foam of Fury

Actually I stand corrected.  This was my favorite obstacle.  Nearly identical to the very first one but with tons and tons of...


It's snowing in Brizzy!  Many a story about foam parties of yesteryear were shared, trust.

If you weren't wet before then you are now!

This was also the time the heavens opened up and started raining on us.  It was actually pretty convenient to clean the foam off, before the final obstacle.

The Hippo

Why run across the finish line when you can slide?

I'm not sure if it's actually 5 kilometers, it didn't feel like that much, but I can tell you our jogging between obstacles ceased after the first one.  There is no competition to see who can get done the quickest.  It's about having heaps of fun!

It took us about 1.5 hours to get through the course, and we were all soaked from head to toe.

It was super fun and I would totally do it again.

And next time I'm totally bringing gummy worms.

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