Brussels, Belgium

Martin has been on no less than five dudes trips since we arrived in Europe 4.5 years ago.  Possibly more - I have the memory of a goldfish - so it was high time that the ladies from the same friend group finally do the same.

This was my first new country in over six years!  I haven't stepped foot on new land since our whirlwind trip to Tanzania, Turkey and Bulgaria in 2019, pre-kids.  I would say this fact is semi-shameful, but we really did go out with a bang.  

In my defense I've been back to repeat countries multiple times since being back in Europe (almost half a decade now), but I have been itching to tick a new country off the list.

When it came time to pick a ladies trip destination my suggestion immediately was Brussels.  Martin lived there for a few years in middle school, plus the reputation for delicious French-adjacent food and central location had Belgium firmly at the top of my bucket list.

I arrived a few hours before everybody else, so I had a short period of time to do what I do best.

For the uninitiated, Primark is a super cheap yet surprisingly good quality clothing stores that exists throughout Europe.  Not Norway, though, so every time I find myself in a city that has one I run, not walk, in.  While it's always a pleasure to shop at Primark it was far and away the worst stocked Primark I've ever been to.  Boo.

Another thing I haven't done in over six years is order myself an Uber.  It's only recently come to Norway and does not operate in my little corner of the country, so I have been lacking cheap and easy illegal taxis.  I got right back in the saddle and took three Ubers within two hours of arriving and they cost me just over 30 Euros.  The beauty of living in overpriced Norway is that everywhere you go feels like a bargain!

When the other ladies started to arrive we got right down to business.

Belgium is known for their beer, but when ladies reunite the only answer is Aperol Spritz.  Preferably on a rooftop!  Which I was pleasantly surprised to learn was right on top of our hotel.

We spent hours Friday night catching up on life since we were last all together in Edinburgh fifteen years ago.  One of the four girls I hadn't seen since then, but the others range from over a decade ago to less than 6 months ago.

We drank many an Aperol until we were famished, and purposely hadn't picked a restaurant so we could "wing it".  I think this is a profoundly bad idea, as I knew we would be getting subpar food in a destination that is known for top notch food.

While edible, my socks were not forcibly removed from my feet by this carbonnade (beer and beef stew) like I had hoped they would be.  Suffice it to say our first night was focused on the drink, rather than the food.

After sleeping in until the delightful hour of 8:30 we hit the town in search of sights and culture.

Galleries Royales Saint-Hubert

This is a picturesque shopping arcade with an incredible lack of diversity of goods - mainly designer handbags and chocolates.  Not very practical, but a busy and must-see thoroughfare.  Not an H&M or Build-a-Bear in sight.

Grand Place

The architecture is next level in Brussels, especially at this public square.  The buildings are edged in gold paint, making them look nothing short of exquisite.

There were a few things on my Must Eat list, numero uno being:

There are two types of waffles available, Brussels and Liege.  Brussels are perfectly square like the American version, and typically are covered in toppings like chocolate and whipped cream so require a knife, fork and table to eat. 

With Liege, which this is, the goodness is on the inside.  The dough is filled with big, fat sugar crystals that turn crunchy, and are perfectly transportable for the fat ass on the go.  Perfect for me!

Mannekin Pis

Is your idea of art a child urinating in public?  Then you're in luck!

For whatever reason the ultimate symbol of Brussels is this tiny (less than two feet tall) statue of a little boy with a functioning wiener peeing into a fountain.  It is hugely popular and there's always a crowd during daylight hours.  

I don't know who is in charge of this but they sometimes dress him up in costumes and put a mask over his face.

It is so bizarre!  I'm glad we got to see him au natural because this little vampire boy is not what is plastered all over the marketing material and souvenir shops.  Lesser known and far less popular is the Girl Power version with the same theme:

Jeanneke Pis

To be honest we stumbled upon this squatting girl by accident when trying to find a bar, but I am all about gender equality.

Straying from our beloved Aperol Spritz we moved to local Belgian beers.

We visited numerous bars, which was necessitated by the fact that the weather got really crappy and rainy on Saturday so, really, we had no choice.

Our eternal search for more booze again led us to another grand sight, which nobody but me seemed interested in seeking out during daylight hours.

Mont des Arts

This place houses the National Archives and other buildings of import, but what it's really known for is its amazing gardens, seen here only in shadow.  All the travel advice I read said to go at sundown for some stunning views, but as you can see it was pretty dark when we walked through. 

My second and final required culinary experience:

Mussels!  In Brussels!  Moules-frites, to be precise, when they are served with French fries.  A delicacy that is the national dish of Belgium.

Here's something I never, ever thought I would see in my life:

A taxidermy'd giraffe!  Isn't that wild?!  I saw a camel in Canberra one time, which I thought was the apex of taxidermy that I would experience in my life.  Clearly I was mistaken.

I didn't catch the name of this bar, but it's safe to say it was the funkiest bar I've ever been to in my life.  Look at this decor!

It was relaxed and hip and had a great speakeasy vibe to it.  And lots and lots of taxidermy'd animals!

The next day after a leisurely brunch we wandered around town a bit, near our hotel which wasn't in the city center to get a feeling for how the real people live.  It was very floral and pretty!

My #1 favorite thing to do in any country is to wander around a grocery store.

I could do this for hours!  And frugal moi bought my souvenir chocolate here, for a couple of Euros, instead of at the super expensive designer places in the fancy mall.  Smart!

 

At this point people started to drop away to catch trains and planes, and one of the remaining ones was really interested in visiting the Horta Museum, former residence and studio of an Art Nouveau artist named Victor Horta, who I'd never heard of before.  We had all the time in the world so, sure, why not?

Whyyyyy do these architecturally fabulous artist residences take themselves so seriously?!  For real. It 100% gave me vibes of the Gaudi house we visited in Barcelona circa 2018, the douchebaggery of which Martin and I make fun of to this very day.  

The highlights for me were these spiky little fossil looking things to keep people from sitting on the antique furniture:

And taking clandestine photos in places where photography was prohibited, for absolutely no reason.

Photography was not forbidden in the whole house, mind you, just certain random areas.  Fuck the police.  It was a strange visit, but it kept the giggles flowing and the architecture was a sight to see.

My only regret about this trip is that I didn't get to do any WWII sightseeing.  The Band of Brothers episode about Battle of the Bulge is one of the most painful things I've ever watched on screen, so there is some real history here to experience.  Your ladies trip can have infinite Aperol Spritzes or it can have historical tourism.  It cannot have both!

  

I'm also sad to not have experienced it for the first time with Martin but that's a perfect excuse to return in the future.