Saturday, December 16, 2017

USA Part 1: Welcome to Miami

About eighteen months ago I told you to stay tuned for an "exotic and appropriately fabulous" destination wedding in 2017.  Well, here we are!  Destination: Florida Keys.

After a fairly extensive search we settled on Key Largo, FL for our wedding destination.  Originally I had my eyes set on something a little more actually exotic, but for a variety of reason we settled on Florida, somewhere I had never been before.  And it was a great choice!

Our wedding was on a Tuesday, which might sound strange, but the venue books the place out for 3 days/nights at a time so weddings are held either on Tuesday or Saturday, depending if you choose mid-week or weekend.  Since everyone had to take time off work and travel to get there anyway I thought saving a few grand by having a mid-week wedding was a wise move.  Eighty guests came, so I think people agreed with me!

The beauty of a Tuesday wedding is having the weekend before nice and close, and ripe for shenanigans.  Miami is a mere one hour away from Key Largo and where everyone had to fly into anyway.  So early in the planning process this weekend was declared Bachelor/ette Weekend by Das Germans, who we attended a wedding with in Germany back in 2015.

Hmm, what shenanigans could we get up to in Miami?

How about three solid hours of boozy brunch?

This pleases the bride-to-be.

And there was not one plastic penis, tiara or sash anywhere near me.  How great are these gals (+ 1 dude)?!

Answer: So great, in fact, that they are the literal best.  Because Stop 2 of the day was on a boat!  You might even call it a yacht, if you're feeling fancy.

But not so fancy as to actually take a picture of the vessel.  Oops!

It was so beautiful out there.  Perfect weather, beautiful views of the Miami skyline.  And so much fun!

BYOB, y'all!

We keep it classy.

I'd like to say it all went off without a hitch but two of the girls stepped on sea urchins so there was some rudimentary surgery happening with a needle sterilized by a cigarette lighter.

But we didn't let spiky sea devils kill our mood (or our buzz)!

As you can see we spent many hours mainly taking drunken group selfies, but there was also plenty of swimming, singing and of course drinking.  It was truly awesome!

We went out to a bar once we got back to the mainland for some dinner and drinks, but we had been drinking for a solid 9 hours by that point so it was decidedly not wild, therefore I have no pictures to share.  We ain't 20 anymore!  Or even 30...

You might be asking yourself, "Where is Martin during all this?"  The answer to that could quite literally blow you away.

While the girls were enjoying "free flow" (I love that term) mimosas the guys were stone cold sober and doing the most macho thing you could ever do, shooting big fat guns.

Only two of those guys live in the USA where seeing assault rifles at your friendly neighborhood church or school is a common occurrence, so this activity was quite the treat for most.

They spent the rest of the day drinking in various venues, but no place so interesting that I feel the need to report on it.  As far as I'm concerned, the girls activities kicked way more ass!

We spent the rest of the weekend chilling at our resort, which some know as Hotel Riu Plaza Miami Beach and others know as the German Embassy.  Seriously that place was filled with Germans, which shouldn't surprise me because we booked it through a German travel agent (a friend's mom who got us mates rates).

Pictured: 9 Germans out of 12
Our rate even included a buffet breakfast and dinner.  These Germans sure know how to live and the way to my heart!

It was a lovely hotel with ace cocktails and food, which is squarely where my priorities lie.  But the beachfront and pool were legit!

So legit that they're the reason I didn't really venture out much and see the sights of Miami.  Oh well!  I wasn't in charge of the itinerary and this being my bachelorette weekend I was far more interested in seeing old friends than seeing sights.

Plus, I've watched so many episodes of CSI: Miami I feel like I've been there, anyways.  I love me some Horatio Caine!

Shout out to James, who is front and center in most of the pictures in this post.

I was so incredibly occupied (and busy!) this weekend - and the entire month-long trip - that I didn't think or have time to take a lot of pictures.  James is a photo/selfie whore so kudos to him for picking up my slack.

Lucky for you you'll see more of his fine face coming up, but a word of warning that I'm going to blog this trip a bit out of order.  Here I sit mid-December and still don't have my professional photos from my November 7 wedding, so I'm going to wait to post about the wedding until those pictures are ready...whenever that might be. 

Not that I'm complaining!  After Hurricane Irma battered the Keys a mere 6 weeks before the wedding we were just lucky to have anyplace at all to get married.

I'm still paying off my karmic debt* for that!

* among others

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