Thursday, December 12, 2013

We No Speak Americano - Part Trois

I'm back for another addition of funny shiz Aussies say.  Familiarize yourself with parts uno and dos if you have not done so already.

Ranga = red head 
So named because of the OGs:

Not that kind, silly, I mean original gingers:

Gratuitous addition of vowels where entirely unnecessary
I've seen a few words where random additional letters have been snuck in.  Not like neighbour or flavour; those I have come to begrudgingly accept (while quietly ridiculing).  I remember being so proud of myself in 4th grade for learning how to spell 'encyclopedia'.  But here?  Encyclopaedia.  Though that might be more British than Australian, The Google tells me.  Australian English (and everything, really) walks a fine line between the two, as I will illustrate in the next example.

Here are a few more "WTF, where did that letter come from?" words:

foetus = fetus
oesophagus = esophagus
faeces = feces

Not that I go around spelling feces or fetus in my day to day activities, but if I did I would want them to be as short and discreet as possible.  I wouldn't be adding unnecessary letters to make the words longer and [even] more obscene!

"Cheap as chips" 
This means something is cheap/affordable.  A rare phrase, actually, in a land where Martin didn't look at the price tag and paid $3.50 for one cucumber (I won't ever forgive him for that).

The chips this phrase refers to, however, remains to be seen.  There is no standard definition of what "chips" are.  In the UK "chips" means fries, period.  Doritos and the like are "crisps".  Two different terms for two different [equally delish] foodstuffs.

But here chips can be fries ("fish 'n chips") or they can be Doritos.  Or Pringles.  Or Funyans.  Nah, just kidding about that last one.  The gloriousness that is Funyans has not spread beyond American shores.  Which reminds me I've been meaning to start a petition/organize a march/start a riot about that.

So when something (overseas, obvs) is cheap is it



The world may well never know.

Where's Wally?
This is "Wally":


Naughts and Crosses
'Naught' means zero.  And crosses aren't just for crucifying messiahs anymore!

Blaspheme, party of 1.

Derby is pronounced darby
They seriously say Kentucky Darby.

These people clearly have an issue with appropriate vowel usage.

"4th of the 12th"
An example: Today, December 12th is the 12th [day] of the 12th [month].  A month from today it will be the 12th of the 1st.

Dates are written flip flopped in the everywhere-but-USA part of the world.  Which is fine, I can appreciate that the day is more important than the month.  My birthday being 04/12/1992 (December 4th; year may be fudged slightly) jives with me just fine.

But putting both the day and the month into numbers?  That's taking it too far.  Because it requires thinking, and that's not how I roll.  The 21st of the 4th...think about it...calculate....wait for it...ah, OK I got it: April 21st.

See?  It just takes extra time to mentally calculate what month you're talking about.  Just say the damn name of the month and leave math in hell where it belongs!

Shit House
Definitely in my top 3 favorite Aussie slang terms, because it is 100% versatile and funny to boot.

Feeling hungover?  "I feel shit house, mate."

Q: How did the test go?
A: Shit house

"It broke right after I bought it.  Absolute shit house."

I love this phrase not least because my favorite phrase in the whole of the English language is "crazier than a shit house rat".  Because if you were a rat who lived in a shit house (outhouse, outdoor toilet, portable loo, port-a-potty) then you would be really, really crazy.

I die of LOLz.

I'll leave it on that classy note.

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