Friday, May 3, 2013

Phone Dump

I kind of (really) hate that every phone now has a camera.

Sure it's great for capturing the occasional B-rate celebrity snapshot or police abuse of a racial minority, but when a picture is taken on a cell phone it enters some sort of photographic limbo - never to be seen again.

That is, until today.  I feel the need to let my proverbial balls air out and share with the world the pictures that, in the moment, I felt the need to take.  These pictures lie somewhere on the continuum somewhere between not-quite-Facebook-worthy (I'm 30, bitches, I don't do Instagram) but not really boring enough to go forever unseen.  I hope they're even remotely as interesting to you as they were to me at the time I took them.

Look at the big-ass spider on the steps in my apartment complex.  It was dark out so I don't know how I spotted that thing in the first place.  I have, like, cat eyesight or something.

Undignified, useless shit like this exists outside of the US, which was unknown to me until I got to Australia.  Garbage like this doesn't exist in Norway.  They ain't got time for that.

Y'all know Movember, right?  Well, Martin legitimately walked around looking like this for an entire month:

Best of all (and by "best" I mean you shall never be employed again) this exact photograph was set as his LinkedIn picture for the month of November.  It very well may still be, I don't really know.  Also on the topic of Movember this adorbs little doohickey that hooks on to a beer bottle was being sold at a bar for $1 each during Movember to raise money:


Before we even set foot on Australian soil I decided one of the things I had to see is the longest continually running laboratory experiment in the world, a.k.a the pitch drop experiment.  Little did I know that I would work at the very campus where this esteemed experiment was taking place.

The Guinness Book of World Records has certified that it is the longest experiment EVAR, since 1927 to be exact.  According to Wikipedia it's expected to do something mildly interesting in 2013, which leads to an uncomfortably stressful viewing experience.  "Look at this!"  You say.  "That's nice but I better get back to work now"  when you know at any second the pitch could drop and you would be the first person in known history to witness such an event.  It's hard to pull away.

Speaking of getting back to work...

This is my work station.  Note the name on the side of the desk is not my name, but I can't be arsed to change it.  In a department of 5 people I think errrbody is all Cheers-esque and knows my name.  I can't tell you the number of hours I've spent huddled over that keyboard, typing away to people in foreign lands (or people hoping to go to foreign lands).

Have you ever sent an email to someone in Japan?  When I do an overly polite, submissive side of me comes out that I didn't even know existed.  "Thank you very kindly, sir, for your prompt response." and "I very much look forward to our continued mutually beneficial relationship." I don't know who this person is, but it's like a work Jekyll and Hyde, except it's not one good vs. one evil.  It's one brash American vs. one kiss-ass submissive geisha.  It's bizarre and I have zero control over it.

It's hard to describe this one if you don't know exactly what Vegemite actually is.  It is an exceedingly vile, salty, solid foodstuff that is all but inedible unless you grew up with it.  The fact that it is served on a pizza, with cheese is beyond comprehension.  Like, legit eew.

And finally, in a land where summer (mindfuck: December) regularly reaches 100 degrees Fahrenheit this is a natural occurrence:

Legit eew yet again.

As the American Midwest begs summer to appear I happily chant Bring On Fall!

It's fun to live in opposite land.

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