Reflections on a Life in Australia

Note: This post was written in June 2021, a few weeks before we departed Australia.  It's being published 8 months later, on the ten year anniversary of the day we moved there.

Throughout my nine and a half years in Australia I've often been asked what brought Martin and I here.  The answer has always and forever been ADVENTURE.

We departed for Aussie shores on 20 February 2012, pretty fresh off our Masters degrees in Edinburgh.  Martin was so lucky to get a job transfer with his company in Norway, EY (Ernst & Young).  It was quite fateful that we landed in Brisbane, as Martin tried to transfer to the Melbourne office for nearly a year, but ultimately they didn't have enough business to bring a new employee on.  When delivering the bad news they asked if he'd be interested in Brisbane instead.  After 8 months of trying with Melbourne only to get a rejection, it took just 8 days for the Brisbane office to do multiple interviews and hire him.  We didn't care where we went, we just wanted our next adventure to be in Australia.

Two years he committed with his company.  We spent those first two years soaking up all we could of Brisbane and Australia.  We spent our first Christmas away from family in Asia, but otherwise the farthest we went in those first two years was New Zealand.  We knew that we had to take advantage of what was nearby while we could.  Time was short!  We made amazing friends, mainly with other expats but there
were enough fair dinkum Aussies for us to feel like we were really integrating.

As the two years were approaching their end I felt sick - literally a knot in my stomach - at the thought of leaving.  Where would we go?  What were our options?  As we were unmarried then, where could we legally go together?  All signs pointed to staying put.  We had seen and done a lot, but there was still so much more and our hearts were firmly planted here.  Martin extended his work contract for another 2 years, the maximum duration he could with his skilled worker visa.

One year into that extension came our eligibility to apply for permanent residency (Americans might know this as a green card).  It took a fair bit of time, paperwork and money to achieve, but once it came through we had a sense of freedom completely unknown to us in the years since we arrived.  Martin could change jobs, as he wasn't beholden to a work visa.  We could stay forever if we wanted to.  In a few years we could become citizens of Australia! 

   

Which I did in 2016, on my own.  Norway was funny about dual citizenship at the time so Martin had to remain a PR while I took home a second passport.  It was incredibly exciting for me, and after my wedding (which had not happened yet) it was the biggest celebration of my life.  Our future security in the land down under was solidified.  

All these years we had a steady stream of visitors coming to see us.  Friends from Edinburgh enough to fill two hands, Martin's parents at Christmas, friends who found themselves living in or traveling through Asia-Pac.  Even Americans!  And friends who started out in Brisbane, but had moved away over the years.

I always wondered what the hell that lot were thinking, to leave this place.  This perfect place!  Full of adventure, fun and ease, and a manageable 24-hour flight to wherever you wanted to be.  Who would choose to leave this marvelous place, willingly?  Who could be that stupid?

Then came 2020, and a baby and global pandemic almost simultaneously.  We were very literally locked in, and everybody on the other side of that 24-hour flight was locked out.  We had a good network of friends locally but we realized - for the first time - that we are on our own.  One mom, one dad and one baby.  And don't forget one dog!  A fabulous quartet, but not enough.  Not for us, at least. 

2020 thankfully also saw Norway relax their stance on dual citizenship, so Martin was able to become a dual Norwegian-Australian citizen.  With him now an Aussie (and Freya born one) we could all leave and come back, forever and ever.  We had options!

As we settled into life with Freya something about life just felt "off", and I don't think it was baby blues.  She was a great baby (still is...usually) but as the months went on, all I could think about was what we were missing on the other side of that 24-hour flight.  Who we were missing.  I knew I was not getting the best of her and she wasn't getting the best of me, sad but true.  Martin and I asked ourselves one question: What in the hell are we doing here?

We both have great careers and enjoy The Australian Lifestyle, which is impossible to describe but should be bottled up and sold around the world.  It is the envy of the globe and isn't just a myth Australians are feeding the world.  We have friends, free time, cash in the bank.  We have everything we could ever want!  A good life in a literal paradise.  But it somehow felt so wrong, like we were out of place, and we were devolving into utter misery.    

The day we said out loud, "We should move back to Norway" I felt a literal sense of relief.  I can only describe it as a pressure release valve off my shoulders.  The only other time I physically felt my emotions like that was after our first two years here, when the thought of leaving Australia actually hurt, so I knew it was not right to leave.  Just the same, I took this as confirmation of the right choice for us.  The only choice, really.

But our whole life is here!  House, dog, friends, jobs.  Knowing how to navigate life, knowing where to go to get what you need.  Having the resources and contacts and support to succeed in life!  What little I know of how to be a mom is geographically restricted to Australia.  An enviable lifestyle and in fact, an entire adulthood.  I truly don't think I can tell the difference between what is being an adult and what is being Australian, because to me they're the same thing.  I did all my growing up here and honestly don't know how to be an adult elsewhere.

Everybody thinks we're making this move so quickly but really we're not.  We set on this idea in October 2020, so to us it feels long overdue.  It's taken 8 months for us to make progress in uprooting an entire life, after 9 years and 4 months almost to the day.

I'm just now realizing what I'll be missing when we leave here.  It took a full 8 months after making the decision to go that I truly started to grasp what I'll be losing when we leave.  I've been so focused on who and what I'm heading to, but am just now remembering who and what I'll be leaving behind.  I expect everyday for a long time something new and sad will hit me.  It'll be an end-to-end grieving process, which I fully expect to last a lifetime.  With that said, I think staying in Australia for us would be a million times sadder than leaving.  In short, there is no winning for us.  We've simply made our world too big.

But this isn't goodbye forever.  All three of us are Australian citizens so could return at any time, Covid pending.  I won't get into a long-winded rant about Australia's Covid response, Fortress Australia, which has kept us safe while simultaneously sucking the life out of us.  I think it has caused irreparable damage to the soul of this place and many of its people, especially the ones abandoned abroad or deemed not good/pure/Australian enough to matter.  It has had no small part in pushing us out of here, the educated, contributing, critical skills immigrants that Australia is literally built on.

I will always be American first, as it is the bedrock of who I am, but for quite some time now I've considered myself American-Australian.  Ameristralyian, if you will.  When they officially announce Brisbane as the 2032 Olympics host next month nobody on this planet will cheer louder than me.  And nobody will be more front and center in Brizzy in 2032 than me!

Thank you, Australia, for everything over the past [almost] decade.  You are the one thing that Martin, Freya (and of course Tilda) and I all have in common.  And thanks to everybody who made it possible, fun and so, so, so good.  You really are The Lucky Country and you've been the perfect place for Martin and I to "grow up" in by being fun, easy, exotic and absolutely fabulous.  

You taking me on this adventure has been the honor and privilege of my life.