Christmas in Vanuatu

Much like New Caledonia, Vanuatu is a small island nation in the Pacific Ocean that I'd never heard of prior to moving to Australia.

It's only a tiny bit further from home than New Caledonia, approximately halfway between Australia and Fiji.  I really wonder what Fiji's marketing department did to make themselves so widely known.  Everybody knows Fiji, but few people know the strikingly similar places that are right next door!

With only a 2.5 hour flight separating Brisbane from the capital city of Port Vila it was no drama at all to get there (except navigating pre-Christmas crowds at the airport and paying double the norm for flights).  We went with Martin's parents, who adorably couldn't even pronounce the name until we got there.  It's not a well known country, so they can be forgiven.

We went to the island of Efate, which houses the capital Port Vila.  It is the third largest and most populous of Vanuatu's 82 islands.

We lazed about and went on adventures in equal measure.  We stayed right on the beach in a villa and spent a fair few days sitting here:

Looking at this:

Soaking in this:

With wine, of course!  Important to note if you ever travel there: alcohol off sale is prohibited from noon on Saturday until Monday morning.  They're pretty religious, and restrict the sale of alcohol accordingly.  But they're Christian so when alcohol sales are on, they're ON.  Christmas has a fairly lengthy shutdown period lasting multiple days, so plan your stash in advance.  We literally brought a suitcase to the store to stock up!

Now onto the adventure.

Port Vila Markets

This market has exotic fruit and veg available for purchase round the clock.  Who needs a 10kg bundle of sweet potatoes at 3am?!  The locals, apparently.  But the most special item for sale:

The floral arrangements were INSANE!  Those are 10 gallon buckets, so the tops came up to my chest.  They were the most colorful and exquisite displays I have ever seen.  Literally the wildest, most awesome flowers ever.

We rented a car on the fly to circumnavigate the island, which takes a grand total of three hours.  We had a tour booked covering the same route (there's only one road) a few days away, but we thought it was worth it to see a few places we wouldn't be seeing on the tour.

Being so close to Australia and New Zealand you would assume they drive on the left side of the road.  Not so, my friends.

Look at that sticker in front of the driver, telling them to drive on the right at all times.  There's an interesting geopolitical reason for this.

Until 1980 Vanuatu, then called New Hebrides, had what is called a "condominium" form of government, which mean it was run equally by two separate countries - Britain and France.  They ruled separate parts of the country so there were British areas and French areas, and the languages were divided up accordingly.

I can't imagine what a goddamn mess this was in practice, but right hand drive stuck around after independence in 1980 thanks to an influx of American servicemen during WWII.  New Hebrides was the largest Pacific base outside of Hawaii.

Driving on the right got us to:

Cascade Waterfall

If you can handle walking 90 steps, this waterfall is not to be missed.  Truly stunning (and slippery).

Bring your bathers and take a dip!

The waterfall is no longer public domain, but is owned "by the Chinese" and charges a hefty entrance fee.  Slowly but surely the Chinese (whom I wonder, exactly?) are buying up land in Vanuatu, which nobody is happy about but the locals seem to accept that it's inevitable that one day their country will no longer belong to them.  Major downer.

Havana Bay

One of the many bays and beaches around the island.

Fire show

Traditional dance, we thought, fun!  But then Katy Perry's "Firework" was the opening number and it was obvious this was for show, not a legitimate display of culture.  Still fun, though!  Just be sure to specify you want a margarita cocktail, otherwise you'll get two pizzas you didn't ask for.

The road is 122km (75 miles) to get around the island and everything online says to drive it counterclockwise.  We did it clockwise, and no harm befell us.  A few days later we got in a tourist van to cover different stops on the same route.

Iarofa Cultural Village

They were pretty clear that nobody actually lives like this anymore, wearing grass skirts and doing warrior dances - if they ever even did.  But I always appreciate a glimpse at local culture and seeing how people once lived.  And this was a real treat:

Walking over burning hot coals!  I thought this was only done in movies.  What a champ.  His poor feet!

Survivor Beach

Apparently the TV show Survivor filmed here one season (more than a decade ago), which is Vanuatu's worldwide claim to fame.  In fact I think it was actually filmed on that island there in the distance, but I didn't care enough to read into it more.

It was a lovely beach!  But it was nothing special compared my favorite stop of the whole trip.

Blue Lagoon

A swimmin' hole of amazing turquoise water surrounded by lush trees.  You can swing off a rope from one into the other:

We were lucky to get there on a day with minimal visitors.  Apparently on Christmas day it's so packed you can't even get in, and many tour buses don't even bother visiting.  Such a pity for this natural phenomenon to be blighted with humanity.  Blah, I hate people.

Now this next part I want to believe is true, but I'm really not convinced it is.

The tour guide told us that during WWII the Americans built three separate artificial land masses, hills that are probably 10 feet high, that spell out U S A.  This was done so allied airplanes could easily locate the nearby runway.  But - as he also pointed out - this would highlight to the Japanese exactly where to drop their bombs.

There is nothing about this online, nor visible on Google Maps.  I feel like if mini mountains spelling out USA existed somewhere in the world this would be widely know and beloved.  So that picture might just be a random hill that doesn't spell anything.  It would be amazing if it really did exist on the down low.

We only saw one WWII relic, the American Pool, which definitely exists and is enjoyed by the locals to this day:

This was the extent of my WWII tourism, sadly.  It is normally my #1 priority as I am apparently geriatric, but I wasn't in charge of the itinerary.

Our most adventurous activity was whipping around the bay on one of these bad boys:

Jet boat

Martin likes to take his dad on adrenaline trips like this, which I'm happy to tag along on.  But OMG I didn't realize how soaking wet we would get!  I'm an idiot, as I've done these before.  I felt so bad for the wet patches we left on our trip home which, bizarrely I must admit, was my absolute favorite part about the whole trip.

I'm talking about the "bus" system.  It's not public transportation, but rather private transportation available to the public.  And it's genius!

Find a van, the dodgier the better.  Almost any van on the island - there are thousands - driven by a random dude (I never saw a female driver).  Like this one:

Look if it has a big red B (for bus) on the license plate.  The vast majority do.  Flag it down, hop on in and off you go!

It is insane!  And works perfectly.  I could not be more impressed.  The price is cheap and fixed (no annoying haggling), and there may be local passengers already on the bus, sometimes even with babies on their lap, so squeeze yourself right up right next to them.  There is no fixed route, so you do need to work out with the driver if you're heading in the direction he's going.  We never had to ask more than 2 drivers before we found one going in our direction.

It's literally the best and most efficient "public" transport I have ever seen.  It's like cheap, low tech Uber and works even better.  Absolutely genius!

Shield the kids eyes for this next bit and put the DEA on alert.

Kava drinking

Besides bussing around from place to place, the most local activity we did is stop at a nakamal, which could loosely be translated to a bar but is more accurately a local gathering place.  This is where you go to drink kava.

Kava is a plant that's turned into a liquid drug to give a sedative, euphoric sensation.  Its roots are crushed and soaked in water to create the finished product, and traditionally the crushing was done in some dudes mouth.  I didn't dare ask, but I assume/hope/pray the 21st century has seen some hygienic improvements in the making of kava.  It's stored in large, no doubt filthy, old water bottles.

 And then you drink it from a little bowl.

It didn't taste great, but it wasn't unpalatable.  It tasted sharp like medicine, and it has an anaesthetic effect.  The only real impairment I felt is slight tingling around my mouth.  Many people get a deep sense of relaxation, though I can't say I felt any more chill because I assume we got the white westerner dose.  Martin felt the effects more.  In fact, he had psychedelic dreams that night, of which I am jealous!

I would definitely try it again, and try a higher dose so I could get some good vibes.  No tie dye or black light needed.

And that was our week in Vanuatu!  It's a fabulous destination for Aussies and Kiwis because it's right next door, and it's much cheaper and easier than New Caledonia.  I must admit, though, the food in New Caledonia cannot be beat - you just have to speak French and pay dearly for it.

Developing countries that attract a lot of tourists can often be stressful to navigate because locals prey on the tourists, trying to swindle them at every turn.  That is 100% not the case here.  Everybody is exceedingly honest, and there is no funny business.  Not even tipping!

If you seek an affordable, chill yet fun destination to spend Christmas with your in-laws, or anyone really, get thyself to Vanuatu!