Orange County + Los Angeles

The worst part about going home to visit friends and family is the necessity of flying through Los Angeles airport.  It is the ninth circle of hell and if you've managed to avoid it you are living your best life.

I very cleverly found a route to avoid it on Air Canada via Vancouver, so by visiting Orange County I transited through LAX willingly in an act of self-flagellation.  All for a good cause!

Hangs with this legend, and rides in his stately miniature pick-up truck.

James and I had reunited a mere six weeks prior in Singapore.  He lives in Vietnam but visits his ancestral home of The OC regularly.  When I was considering my NoDak transit options we pieced it together so we had a few days together.

I'd only day tripped to the Los Angeles area before, once in high school and once after a very traumatic experience 3 years ago.  I only got to see slivers of the area back then, so was pleased to cover more ground with a local guide and his sweet ride.

Huntington Beach

James went to high school here, which blows my mind.  Real people do real things in such a picturesque and urban setting!  Our main priority for my first evening:

Fish tacos and wine, with his fantastic and fun mama Janet.  It was all very lovely and civilized, for a while.

After mama went home for the night we proceeded to get real sloppy on jugs of beer.  A debit card was lost along the way, but later recovered.  The best outcome of the night was James won a food and drinks package at a bar for ten people, which he will cash in on his next visit home.  Neither one of us have any idea when or how this contest was entered into.  I'm sad I'll miss that, as I feel legally entitled to be one of the ten guests.

I had the next day, my only full day, planned months in advance, since the moment I decided to stop in LA.

Audience ticket to watch a taping of Conan

To say this is a bucket list item for me would be a gross understatement.  I was beyond thrilled and excited, and didn't care that this would eat up a whole afternoon and therefore eliminate all chance of seeing/doing anything else.  But I didn't care, I had my priorities!

And then they went and cancelled the damn taping two weeks before. 😢 I was gutted, thinking my once-in-a-lifetime opportunity had slipped through my fingers.  But then I realized I'll just visit again another time.  A good excuse to visit James & fam again!  So what did we do instead?

Hollywood Reservoir

Plan B was enjoying a bit of nature, but not for the sake of peace and serenity (which was surprisingly in abundance here).  It was for this:

What's that by my head?  The Hollywood sign!  

A beautiful vantage point, and on a Thursday afternoon almost entirely devoid of people.  It was a long, narrow, winding uphill journey to get here by car so it's not the easiest drive, but it's worth it.  Next stop:

Walk of Fame

Hollywood Boulevard is nothing short of revolting.  So many tourists!  And fake garbage like Madam Tussauds wax museum.  But it's something you should do at least once, as there are some cool things to see around there (though no celebs).

Grauman's a.k.a. Mann's a.k.a. TCL Chinese Theater 

It's had a few name changes since opening in 1927 and it's one of the most famous movie theaters in the world.  The original Star Wars opened here!  We didn't pay to go inside and explore.  Instead we browsed the various hand and footprints of famous people that are out front:

Oh hey, look at this!

You can see the Hollywood sign from one of the intersections, if you lift your eyes up enough to catch it.  You can walk for miles looking down at the stars.

Pro tip: if there's any one star in particular you want to find look up online where it's located.  There are so many (including many random old timey people you've never heard of) that it would be hard if you didn't know where to look.  Which is precisely what we did for my favorite man (besides Conan):

Jeff Goldblum is my free pass and I didn't even know he had a star.  James took me on the hunt for a mysterious, secret star and I was overjoyed to see who it belonged to.  I immediately plopped down next to it for a photo shoot.  Luckily it wasn't in the busiest area of the street (which is around the Chinese theater) so I didn't get trampled.

If you're looking for a new religion, there's one obvious choice in this area.

They're swarming the street, all dressed like valets, like Mormons on steroids.

We did not stop in to test exactly which fatal personality flaws we possess that require expensive remedy, but I'm confident they're the most fun flaws one can have.  Their main church is a short drive away, and I was tickled to get a good shot of it driving by.

All hail Xenu!  Lest anyone accuse me of being unfair I'll repeat what I said to James, after fending off a herd of vest wearing proselytizers: don't take it personal; I'm equally hostile to all religions.

By this time it was well past lunch time (in fact, we didn't get out of the house until after lunch thanks to some good old fashioned American incompetence) and there was one restaurant James simply had to take me to.

Philippe the Original

Philippe's does French "dipped" sandwiches, which I've called French dip sandwiches my entire life.  Also different from the NoDak variety, you don't do the dipping yourself.

They come pre-soaked!  See how the top and bottom buns were dipped before assembly.  Plus it's customary to order with cheese, so we split our order between blue cheese and cheddar.  Delish!  And thanks to the off-peak timing it wasn't a madhouse like it often is.

Philippe's is called the Original because there's another restaurant that makes similar claims that they invented the French dipped sandwich.  Coles is downtown, where we were heading anyway, so we added it to the itinerary.  But we weren't there for more beef.

Their chocolate pie is amazing!  I'd be willing to give their French dip a try in the future, if it means I can get my hands on another piece of this tasty pie and laugh about the plot of The Help.

After our pie we wandered around downtown, seeing many surprisingly ornate buildings and hobos galore.

Angel's Flight

Angel's Flight is a funicular (cable car if you're not familiar with the term) that costs an affordable $1 in each direction.  The ride is pretty short at 91 meters (298 feet) is like a minute of ride time.

It was closed for nearly a decade because the cars slammed into each other in 2001 and killed a guy.  Oops!  But it's back now and presumably safe to carry us up to a nice little courtyard that was surprisingly deserted for a weekday afternoon.

We commuted back home to OC in rush hour traffic, which wasn't nearly as bad as I was expecting it to be.  Yes, there are a million cars on the freeways, but they're moving.  And I didn't see any idiots who had randomly smashed into each other, thus blocking traffic and creating havoc.  This was such a welcomed change to Australian traffic.  I might be wrong here, but it's almost like California drivers know how to drive!

The next day I flew out in late afternoon, so we had one final morning to hang.  This might've been my favorite stop of the whole trip:

Trader Joe's

TJ's is the best grocery store on the planet.  It's very affordable, has amazing products, and pays/treats their workers awesomely.  It's almost mythical how fantastic it is!  We spent a leisurely chunk of time here and I bought as much [shelf stable] food as would fit into the unused crevices of my suitcase.  James had an entire empty suitcase he could check back home to Vietnam, so he filled up a shopping cart and brought it all back with him.  I might do this next time!  I got some fabulous products and my only wish is that I could transport the refrigerated and frozen stuff home with me.

Our next shopping stop was the thrift store, which was very fruitful for James in the way of Halloween and St Patrick's Day preparations.  Nothing for me, though, as my suitcase crevices were all filled with stuff from Trader Joe's.

Lunch time!

In-N-Out Burger

No trip to SoCal - and I mean no trip ever - is complete without a meal at In-N-Out.  They're only located in six states so seize the opportunity when you get the chance for some high quality, tasty fast food!

Those fries are a widely known off-menu "secret" called animal style, which includes melted cheese, grilled onions and their special sauce (called spread).  While the toppings are tasty, after two visits now I've decided that I really don't like their fries.  They're meh.  But what the fries lack is more than made up for in the burgers.  Real life chefs have crowed this place the ultimate fast food joint.  A must eat for those poor saps living in the other 44 states!

Huntington Beach Library

We swung through the ornate local library to kill a bit of time before I had to fly home via Canada, so we browsed the used book sale and tossed some coinage into the wishing well.  I got a copy of Animal Farm, which has been on my reread list for years now, for a quarter.  Who says California is overpriced?

And so ends my 48 hour Southern California adventure.  We did and saw a lot, not to mention ate and drank a lot, in my short time there.  I'm glad we still had plenty of chilling time at Chez Duquette to hang with his folks, too.  I'd met them before in Edinburgh at graduation 7.5 years ago, but I appreciated the chance to see how real people live in a place that, to my small town sensibilities, has always been La La Land.

Friend and fun family aside I will be back for you, Conan.  I. Will. Come. Back!

Le Diner en Blanc

Have y'all heard of Diner en Blanc?  It's a hoity toity event where people get dressed up their fanciest all white attire and gather together by the thousands for an evening of food and drink.

They had me at 'drink' (and hoity toity of course). 

Martin was not looking forward to this event.  I don't know why he was such a sour puss about it.  It's not every day of the year you get to see a dude wearing white tights in public:

For the most part everyone was dressed nicely, or at the very least appropriately.  But that dude was wearing a ship captain's jacket on top and a goddamn pair of tights on the bottom.  That outfit provided infinite LOL's. 

Diner en Blanc is a picnic, so you need to bring everything you'll need for the evening, table and chairs included.  The event started a few decades ago in Paris (adding much to the hoity toity factor) so most people brought French food.  We weren't really feeling French food (Martin went so far as to declare his hatred for quiche, which is the first I had heard of this) so I prepared a picnic feast of Greek food instead. 

We brought souvlaki in pita bread, dolmades (vine leaves stuffed with rice), Greek dips and baklava.  It was delish!

You can decorate your table, if you so choose, so I did a little handi-crafting for the evening.  Check out what I can do with $5 worth of stick-on pearls and scrapbooking letters:

I got mad skillz, yo.

Diner en Blanc is held in many cities throughout the world.  The location changes every year, and it's a secret until the very moment you get there by bus.  This is only the second year it's been held in Brisbane.  Last year it was held in South Bank, with a beautiful skyline view of the city and this for decoration:

Look at that ambiance!!

But this year it was held at a construction site.

Directly under the flight path of the airport.  With a crane and crappy banner advertising as our "view".  The difference is staggering.

It's meant to be held at a scenic, iconic city location.  That was the case last year, but this year it was one step above a landfill.  The location was awful!  Just awful.  

When the event Facebook page announced that new condos were available for purchase in this very location - absolutely irrelevant information - it was clear what was going on.  The developers paid off Diner en Blanc to hold it there in an attempt to schill their property.  It was a disgrace and an embarrassment to the Diner en Blanc organization.  A 100% shit house location!  (I love the Aussie adjective 'shit house', I had to fit it in there somewhere).

That said, I still had a super great time.  The planning and preparation is so much fun!  You don't realize how little white stuff you have until you have to deck two people out from head to toe in white.

Do we not look fab?    

While this is meant to be a super posh, fancy event I will point out that nearly everything Martin wore that night came from a thrift store.  For under $10....total.  So fancy! 

There was a hanky wave:

And then everyone got sparklers:

It's crazy cool to see 2,000+ people, all in white, waving a napkin or sparkler at the same time.  I am a sucker for anything choreographed.

Last year there was only 1,000 people and this year it was more than doubled in size.  That might have something to do with the inadequate location; if you have more people you need more space.  Personally I'd rather see it cut back down in size so it can be held in a great location.  If they make it any bigger it might really be held in a landfill next year because no place else is big enough!

The highlight of my evening was Instagram stalking, followed by actual stalking, some pseudo-celebrities:

Photo taken from The Good Guide

This is Jake and Elle, who were on an Australian cooking show called My Kitchen Rules.  They were really good, got runner-up, but what's so impressive is how young they are.  When they were on the show last year they were 20 and 22!  How do kids barely out of their teens know how to cook like that?!  It was fun to meet Australian TV personalities, and I unsurprisingly acted like a jackass when meeting them.

Finally, I would like to proclaim my love for my fascinator.  I effing love that head decoration!  I love the concept of fascinators in general and I think mine is unique and super versatile.  This is the first fancy event where I've had the opportunity to wear it, so I need to find more places to get dressed up and go to!

Men on Film

First off, if you get the title of this post you are my new BFF.

Men on Film was a reoccurring skit on the best sketch comedy show ever, In Living Color (sorry, SNL).  When I was ten I wanted to be a fly girl (where J.Lo got her start, FYI) and it was the closest I had been to a black person up to that point in my life.  I loved it, and I'd like to thank my parents for allowing me to watch such wildly age inappropriate programming.  A+ parenting that I intend to emulate if I ever have kids.

But this post is not about the glories of early 90's urban TV or the genius of the Wayans brothers.  It is about movies.  Australian movies, on which I have a lot of catching up to do.

A Cry in the Dark

Not ringing any bells?

                "The dingo ate my baby!"

How about now?  Yes, that's the one!

I caught this on TV, but the listing said it was called "Evil Angels".  That's the name it had in Australia and New Zealand, and that title makes no. freaking. sense.  There's nobody (or nothing) evil in this movie, nor are there any angels.  A Cry in the Dark makes much more sense because the whole movie is based around.....a cry in the dark.

The movie is true life case of the Chamberlain family who were camping in the Outback in 1980.  Their 9-week old baby Azaria disappeared from their tent, presumably taken by a dingo, but the family was immediately presumed guilty of wrongdoing in the court of public opinion.

They found most (but not all) of the clothes the baby was wearing in the Outback, soaked in blood, but never found the body.  So, naturally, ritualistic religious sacrifice was the easiest assumption to make.

The mother, played by Meryl Streep, was locked up for a lot of the 80's for the "murder of her child".  Only when they found a jacket the baby was wearing inside a dingo den did anybody consider that maybe the dingo did take the baby, and human sacrifice didn't really happen.

It was a surprisingly good movie, and a historical view in to the hugest course case/murder mystery of Australian history.  Meryl pulled off a decent Australian accent if I do say so myself, but didn't actually ever say the words "the dingo ate my baby".  She said, "The dingo's got my baby", which begs the question: Who in their right goddamn mind would take a 9-week-old child camping?  In a tent?  Where there are wild animals?

Hmm....on a scale of letting your kid watch bad TV to turning them in to dingo feed, I say my parents erred on the side of caution.

The rest of these movies are ones I want to see, but have not yet.  It'll be quick, as I don't know too awful much about them, and I'm using this post as a list I can reference in the future.

The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert

If you hadn't noticed already by my prepubescent love of Men on Film, I love me some gays.  And nobody's gayer than a drag queen.

Which is what Priscilla is all about.

One of my favorite movies of all time is To Wong Foo, an American drag queen roadtrip movie.  I expect this movie to be almost exactly the same as that.  However nobody could ever be as fabulous as these queens:

Muriel's Wedding

I only know 2 things about his movie: It's a chick flick haters chick flick (a la Love Actually) and it has ABBA music.

Epic win!  Must see.

It stars Toni Collette, who I legit did not know was Australian until embarrassingly recently.  She's what I like to call a "clandestine foreigner".  An actor or actress who is so good at their American accent, and acts in so many American shows, you don't even know they're not American.  See also: Anthony LaPaglia, Hugh Laurie and Damian Lewis.  The foreigners are invading our shores!  And we don't even know it.

Mad Max

All I know about this movie is it is set in post-apocalyptic Australia, and I looooove post-apocalyptic movies.  It stars Mel Gibson before he was famous and before he was an anti-Semitic asshole, so it will be fun to see him so young, nubile and not-yet-Jew hating.

Crocodile Dundee

This can hardly be classified as an "Australian movie" but it's a shame I've never seen it.

So on the To See list it goes!

Farewell, Whit Whit

If your name is Britney or Whitney your nickname from me will be Brit Brit or Whit Whit. Deal with it.

By now everybody in the damn world has heard about the untimely demise of Ms. Houston so I thought I'd add my two cents about the life and times of Whit Whit Houston-Brown.

In grad school, back when I had cheap access to a gym and therefore weighed a number of kilos less, the 80's channel on the gym TV played I Wanna Dance With Somebody (Who Loves Me) all. the. damn. time. It's an OK song, it's no I Will Always Love You, but good enough on a musical level. However, I will argue that it is one of the best workout song ever for one very simple reason:

Whitney Houston had the hottest body of all time.

Exhibit A:


This is the closest thing I could find to a full body shot from the video but damn, her body was slammin' in that video. Like, she-could-be-in-a-White-Snake-video good. Truly rockin'.

The mile high crimped hair and neon make-up were also a real treat to witness. I wish to god we could get away with looking like that today, as my thin, curly hair is ripe from the crimping - and "back combing".

Divas Live will be a little more somber this year (Is that still a thing? Does VH1 still exist?) but life must go on for Gloria- Celine-Shania-Mariah (Cuba-Canada-Cowgirl-Crazy).

Personally, I will remember her as a source of thinspiration, though I suspect the rest of the world will use her legacy as a reminder to Just Say No.

In Praise of Gaga

The very bestest thing I like about living in Norway is the ability to shield myself from American popular culture. Call me a grumpy old curmudgeon but I am in no mood to put up with the youth of today and what they consider hip and with it.

That said, have y'all heard about this popular new musical artist Lady Gaga? Rumor has it she has lady bits and man bits, but from what I can see she is all woman:



And you know what? If she does have a teeny weeny peen that won't make her any less hot. Because homegirl can sing. And dance. And, lest we forget, America celebrates a rich heritage of dudes-who-are-hotter-than-most-chicks:











Oddly alluring yet undeniably sexy. Moustache or not.