Brussels, Belgium

Martin has been on no less than five dudes trips since we arrived in Europe 4.5 years ago.  Possibly more - I have the memory of a goldfish - so it was high time that the ladies from the same friend group finally do the same.

This was my first new country in over six years!  I haven't stepped foot on new land since our whirlwind trip to Tanzania, Turkey and Bulgaria in 2019, pre-kids.  I would say this fact is semi-shameful, but we really did go out with a bang.  

In my defense I've been back to repeat countries multiple times since being back in Europe (almost half a decade now), but I have been itching to tick a new country off the list.

When it came time to pick a ladies trip destination my suggestion immediately was Brussels.  Martin lived there for a few years in middle school, plus the reputation for delicious French-adjacent food and central location had Belgium firmly at the top of my bucket list.

I arrived a few hours before everybody else, so I had a short period of time to do what I do best.

For the uninitiated, Primark is a super cheap yet surprisingly good quality clothing stores that exists throughout Europe.  Not Norway, though, so every time I find myself in a city that has one I run, not walk, in.  While it's always a pleasure to shop at Primark it was far and away the worst stocked Primark I've ever been to.  Boo.

Another thing I haven't done in over six years is order myself an Uber.  It's only recently come to Norway and does not operate in my little corner of the country, so I have been lacking cheap and easy illegal taxis.  I got right back in the saddle and took three Ubers within two hours of arriving and they cost me just over 30 Euros.  The beauty of living in overpriced Norway is that everywhere you go feels like a bargain!

When the other ladies started to arrive we got right down to business.

Belgium is known for their beer, but when ladies reunite the only answer is Aperol Spritz.  Preferably on a rooftop!  Which I was pleasantly surprised to learn was right on top of our hotel.

We spent hours Friday night catching up on life since we were last all together in Edinburgh fifteen years ago.  One of the four girls I hadn't seen since then, but the others range from over a decade ago to less than 6 months ago.

We drank many an Aperol until we were famished, and purposely hadn't picked a restaurant so we could "wing it".  I think this is a profoundly bad idea, as I knew we would be getting subpar food in a destination that is known for top notch food.

While edible, my socks were not forcibly removed from my feet by this carbonnade (beer and beef stew) like I had hoped they would be.  Suffice it to say our first night was focused on the drink, rather than the food.

After sleeping in until the delightful hour of 8:30 we hit the town in search of sights and culture.

Galleries Royales Saint-Hubert

This is a picturesque shopping arcade with an incredible lack of diversity of goods - mainly designer handbags and chocolates.  Not very practical, but a busy and must-see thoroughfare.  Not an H&M or Build-a-Bear in sight.

Grand Place

The architecture is next level in Brussels, especially at this public square.  The buildings are edged in gold paint, making them look nothing short of exquisite.

There were a few things on my Must Eat list, numero uno being:

There are two types of waffles available, Brussels and Liege.  Brussels are perfectly square like the American version, and typically are covered in toppings like chocolate and whipped cream so require a knife, fork and table to eat. 

With Liege, which this is, the goodness is on the inside.  The dough is filled with big, fat sugar crystals that turn crunchy, and are perfectly transportable for the fat ass on the go.  Perfect for me!

Mannekin Pis

Is your idea of art a child urinating in public?  Then you're in luck!

For whatever reason the ultimate symbol of Brussels is this tiny (less than two feet tall) statue of a little boy with a functioning wiener peeing into a fountain.  It is hugely popular and there's always a crowd during daylight hours.  

I don't know who is in charge of this but they sometimes dress him up in costumes and put a mask over his face.

It is so bizarre!  I'm glad we got to see him au natural because this little vampire boy is not what is plastered all over the marketing material and souvenir shops.  Lesser known and far less popular is the Girl Power version with the same theme:

Jeanneke Pis

To be honest we stumbled upon this squatting girl by accident when trying to find a bar, but I am all about gender equality.

Straying from our beloved Aperol Spritz we moved to local Belgian beers.

We visited numerous bars, which was necessitated by the fact that the weather got really crappy and rainy on Saturday so, really, we had no choice.

Our eternal search for more booze again led us to another grand sight, which nobody but me seemed interested in seeking out during daylight hours.

Mont des Arts

This place houses the National Archives and other buildings of import, but what it's really known for is its amazing gardens, seen here only in shadow.  All the travel advice I read said to go at sundown for some stunning views, but as you can see it was pretty dark when we walked through. 

My second and final required culinary experience:

Mussels!  In Brussels!  Moules-frites, to be precise, when they are served with French fries.  A delicacy that is the national dish of Belgium.

Here's something I never, ever thought I would see in my life:

A taxidermy'd giraffe!  Isn't that wild?!  I saw a camel in Canberra one time, which I thought was the apex of taxidermy that I would experience in my life.  Clearly I was mistaken.

I didn't catch the name of this bar, but it's safe to say it was the funkiest bar I've ever been to in my life.  Look at this decor!

It was relaxed and hip and had a great speakeasy vibe to it.  And lots and lots of taxidermy'd animals!

The next day after a leisurely brunch we wandered around town a bit, near our hotel which wasn't in the city center to get a feeling for how the real people live.  It was very floral and pretty!

My #1 favorite thing to do in any country is to wander around a grocery store.

I could do this for hours!  And frugal moi bought my souvenir chocolate here, for a couple of Euros, instead of at the super expensive designer places in the fancy mall.  Smart!

 

At this point people started to drop away to catch trains and planes, and one of the remaining ones was really interested in visiting the Horta Museum, former residence and studio of an Art Nouveau artist named Victor Horta, who I'd never heard of before.  We had all the time in the world so, sure, why not?

Whyyyyy do these architecturally fabulous artist residences take themselves so seriously?!  For real. It 100% gave me vibes of the Gaudi house we visited in Barcelona circa 2018, the douchebaggery of which Martin and I make fun of to this very day.  

The highlights for me were these spiky little fossil looking things to keep people from sitting on the antique furniture:

And taking clandestine photos in places where photography was prohibited, for absolutely no reason.

Photography was not forbidden in the whole house, mind you, just certain random areas.  Fuck the police.  It was a strange visit, but it kept the giggles flowing and the architecture was a sight to see.

My only regret about this trip is that I didn't get to do any WWII sightseeing.  The Band of Brothers episode about Battle of the Bulge is one of the most painful things I've ever watched on screen, so there is some real history here to experience.  Your ladies trip can have infinite Aperol Spritzes or it can have historical tourism.  It cannot have both!

  

I'm also sad to not have experienced it for the first time with Martin but that's a perfect excuse to return in the future.

Thanksgiving Trip to Copenhagen

I work for an American school and we have the last Wednesday to Friday in November off to celebrate Thanksgiving.

Off-peak, mid-week fares anywhere tend to be cheaper, but the boat to Denmark is an absolute steal at 150 kroner ($15 USD) for two weeknights of accommodation on the open seas!  

A "mini-cruise" consists of one night sailing from Oslo to Copenhagen plus one night in reverse, with about 6 hours to enjoy Copenhagen in between.  Four of my lady friends and I abandoned our collective 10 kids to cruise Wednesday and Thursday night:

I sailed this journey two summers ago with the family for an extended stay in Copenhagen, but this time it was for adults only and infinitely more relaxing.

As soon as you hit open water you lose phone service, so your choices are to pay their exorbitant wi-fi cost or simply go without the internet for the evening. 

Not only do you get a cruise to Denmark, but you also get to travel back in time to the 90s!  For this reason I didn't keep my phone on me, so have minimal photos except for breakfast:

The food and booze on board is not discounted for the off season, so even if you pay next to nothing for your room they will still squeeze some money out of you.  This is Scandinavia after all, where life costs an exorbitant amount.

Speaking of my room:

It is insane how much bigger and better the rooms are for 2 people compared to four!  This is clearly a sign to leave the kids at home and cruise without them.  Ne'er a bunk bed in sight when it's just 2 people.  Impressively spacious.

We docked in Copenhagen at 10am and took their pre-arranged bus into town.  From there it was a short walk to the very touristy Nyhavn area.

This was my start to the holiday season.  Normally I don't let myself feel one ounce of holiday cheer until after Thanksgiving, but I moved that up by one day to start on Thanksgiving itself.

To kick off the silly season (as the Aussies say) I commenced my alcohol intake promptly at 11am at our first of many Christmas markets.

I like to learn new things when I travel (no matter how short the trip) and let me tell you I got an education in alcoholic beverages on this trip.  I discovered and fell in love with two hot toddies I'd never heard of before.

The first, a lumumba, is hot cocoa spiked with a shot of dark rum (similar to if not exactly the GOAT Captain Morgan).  It is, bizarrely, named after a Congolese politician who was assassinated. 

What exactly about political violence in Africa brings the yuletide cheer?!  Perplexing.  Served with cream on top I dare say it's unbeatable as a festive cold weather boozy beverage. 10/10

The second newly discovered bevvy for me on this trip is white gløgg, also known as gluhwein or mulled wine.  

I've enjoyed the red wine version for decades worth of holiday seasons, so my lizard brain was blown away to see it made with white wine.  I don't think this is a new invention but it's the first time I've ever seen this genius remake of a classic.  

I'm pretty staunch in my belief that white wine is a summer beverage and red wine is a winter beverage, but the blend of spices used in this makes it so festive and seasonally appropriate. 9.5/10

After rekindling my love of hot booze and drinking before noon we took off down Strøget, the main shopping street in Copenhagen, for some good old fashioned Christmas capitalism.  

I wasn't planning to spend one red cent unless the item was going down my gullet, so this activity wasn't of too much interest to me until a military band came marching by.

It was quite random at lunchtime on a Thursday, but I do love spontaneous marching bands that pop up in Scandinavia on occasion.

After some light spending (not I!) we came up on our second and third and fourth Christmas markets.  There would have been a fifth but one was mysteriously closed at a time when it should have been open.

The daytime crowds at the markets were definitely manageable, but we left town early and I bet they get packed later in the evening, even on a Thursday.  The weekends would be a no go zone of too damn many people! 

I feel like European Christmas markets have absolutely taken off as a tourist hot spot as of late, which isn't too surprising as the photo ops are on point:

Our final stop for the day was the Tivoli amusement park, which was really just another Christmas market featuring rides.

It is beautifully decorated for Christmas, and from my trip two summers prior I can confirm it's beautifully manicured regardless of season.

Apologies for the piss poor photography here, but for a late lunch we had raclette, which is just a huge chunk of cheese oozed onto your dish of choice:

It is my Christmas market staple and I would travel the world to eat various foodstuffs slathered in ooey, gooey cheese at any time of year.  It is so decadent and delicious!

After 6 hours of eating, drinking and soaking in Christmas cheer on foot it was time to get back to the boat for our second night of sailing to head back home.

Thanks for the fab quick trip, Copenhagen!

This was my third visit, the shortest by far, but I expect to be back several times more when the cost of a mini cruise rivals that of a McValue meal!

Quick London Trip

The ultimate life hack for travelling on a budget is tacking personal travel onto a work trip.  The uni I worked for in Australia called this "dual purpose" travel, which I find a charming and fitting term.

I've done this twice before, to Singapore on my way to India and to Perth and Rottnest Island after a conference in Western Australia.  I am just now, seven years later, realizing I didn't blog that trip, which is a damn shame.  Google what a quokka is.  The cuteness will dazzle you!

When a 24-hour work trip to London popped up, plus the offer to fudge the flight dates for personal use, I added an extra night to live my best big city life.  I could've added two (or even three!) but let's not get greedy.

You may remember my traumatic London trip 2.5 years ago to see my lover Jeff Goldblum.  That trip remains in my memory largely a positive one, but has taught me to build Fort Knox around my phone when I'm in a big city.  I looked like I was holding onto my intestines to keep them from falling out, when really I was just keeping a hand on my phone at all times.  That is to say, I looked insane.

The work thing started at noon, so to make it there on time I had to begin my day at 3:30 a.m.  That wasn't particularly fun, but if somebody else is paying for the ticket I'm shutting my corn hole and flying the friendly skies without complaint.

Me and about 25 other student advisors and guidance counselors were gathered to learn about their school so we can advise students and encourage them to go there.  This recruitment tactic also comes a dose of wining and dining.

I absolutely love to be wined and dined!  Particularly on somebody else's dime.  Or in this case, pence.

It was very informative, and I genuinely hope to funnel students there in the future.  But before getting back to my day job I had 22.5 hours to cram in as much touristing as I could and do whatever I wanted [and had meticulously planned] in London.

My initial thought was to pick up what I missed on my last trip, a visit to the British Museum, but as my evening plans took shape I realized I wouldn't have enough time to do it justice so it got pushed off yet again.

But I simply cannot go to London without seeing something historical.  Typically this means something WWII, which is my great love and obsession.  But the best in the vicinity was a former bomb site that has since been turned into a swanky hotel.  Hardly a top priority in its modern form, so I had to find something better.

London Palladium

Oh, a theatre, not showing anything I planned to see.  Ok?

This is where the Beatles began their global domination!  A dream tourist destination for me!

I love The Beatles so much.  My dad got me onto them at a pretty young age, and is a connection we share today decades later.  In 8th grade we had to do a big research project on any topic we wanted.  I was fourteen years old in the mid-90s and my topic was The Beatles.  Rock on!

In October 1963 they performed on a show called Sunday Night at the London Palladium.  While they were not completely new to the scene prior to this appearance, the show catapulted them to national fame and eventually international fame.  Voila, Beatlemania was born.

Apple Corps HQ

Another building that, while pretty to look at and located on Savile Row where the fancy tailors reside, doesn't seem to be of any particular note to the casual observer.  Except!

The Beatles owned this building for several years and performed their last concert on the rooftop, which I'm sure you've seen footage of.  If you haven't you are lame and devoid of joy.

Where it all began and where it ended, all within 8 minutes walk of each other.  As a lifelong Beatles fan I thought they were absolutely worth the quick visit.  The Abbey Road zebra stripe crosswalk is a fair way away from here, but is absolutely on my bucket list.  Next time!  One of the many things I love about London; there's always a next time.  

With my brief historical detour complete, I headed to the activity that beat out the British Museum to fill my afternoon:

Good old fashioned retail therapy, on Oxford Street which is probably one of the busiest shopping streets on the planet. 

For that reason alone I really don't recommend it, but based on the location of my evening activities I really didn't have other alternatives for shopping.  Plus, I am willing to put up with untold pain and suffering in crowds to access a TK Maxx (TJ Maxx's fab foreign cousin), Primark and Marks & Spencer Food Hall all within walking distance of each other.

I could grocery shop at an M&S Food Hall for a full business day, I swear.  Foreign grocery stores are a great love of mine.  The pre-made sandwich section at M&S, especially.  Cheese & celery?  Chicken & stuffing?  Wensleydale & carrot chutney?  The American mind literally cannot comprehend these sandwich combinations because they are just insane.  I love it while simultaneously being scared and confused by it!

Several hours of shopping in crowded conditions left me with a pretty good haul:

Christmas is just around the corner, and I got enough loot to last me into the next cycle of birthdays mid-next year.

After a few hours of intense shopping and bag carrying I headed back to my self-paid hotel, which was a significant downgrade from my previously paid for room, to shower and relax.  A budget 3-star place, there was a surprisingly legit view from my window of the iconic BT tower:

My evening plans:

French restaurant Brasserie Zedel

I cannot tell you the last time I ate at a French restaurant!  Which is a damn shame because it is (probably? maybe?) my favorite type of food in the world (sorry, Italian, ya basic).

With all the cuisine choices in the world at my fingertips, this is what I went for.  I could have salvaged the highly regarded Indian restaurant that was previously ruined for me by thieving assholes, but my longing for French food was too great.  Deer stew with a side of buttered green beans cannot be beaten by anything the subcontinent has ever produced.

I was joined at this fine French restaurant by a long time student of French and, like myself, a one time student of the University of Edinburgh, Marie-Claire.

It was her French knowledge that showed me that the pheasant I wanted to order was unfortunately not available on the day of the week that we were there.  Apparently my dumb ass didn't pick up on what the "du jour" section of the menu meant.

We had a great time catching up on life and kids (four between us), as we hadn't been together since a wedding in 2018 when we were both young(er), careless and child-free.  That was the second-to-last wedding I've been to and let me tell you I am dying to go to another one!

The restaurant was literally a 3 minute walk from our evening plans - the theatre.  Let me be clear: 

I don't ever want to take a trip to London without seeing a show.  Looking into the history books this was my fifth trip to London, and this is the fourth show I've seen (if you count Jeff Goldblum's jazz concert, which you should).  I have one show to catch up on!

Hadestown on West End

West End is the Broadway of London.  All I knew about this production is that it is based on Greek mythology - a growing interest of mine - and won multiple Tonys on Broadway.

Unfortunately, the show didn't really do it for me.  There were a few standout performances but I found it overall tedious to sit through and really repetitive.  Or maybe I was just comparing it too much to the Netflix limited series Kaos, which tells the same broad story amazingly well and stars...wait for it...Jeff Goldblum!  That is an impossibly tough act to follow.

But I was glad to have seen any show at all, and there's no way I'd rather end a day in London.  

Fun fact: this was my first trip flying into Heathrow airport, after declaring many years ago that I never, ever wanted to fly through that behemoth.  But as Confucius once said, she who buys not the ticket shuts the hole in her face.  It was totally fine and drama-free, even if decent signage was sorely lacking.

My last cultural experience was a trip to what very well might be my UK spiritual home:

Pret a Manger is a pre-made sandwich shop which, amazingly, had ample seating for singles in Terminal 2 and drinkable coffee.  What is it about these Brits and their expertise in pre-made sandwich making?!  It's so simple and random, but the quality and vast selection is endlessly entertaining to me.  You'll never hear an unkind word about British food from me.

Until we meet again, London!  Save an eel & chutney sandwich for me.