Two Sheilas in Amsterdam

When a friend who lives in the USA says they will be in Europe for work, and asks if you want to meet them in Amsterdam for the weekend, the only acceptable answer is hell yes.

Even when it is literally 95 degrees out and you are drenched in sweat from head to toe.

Laura, who was last seen here for Staycation 2023 in Norway, was last in Amsterdam literally the day before she came to visit us.  She had a 2-year-old with her, so couldn't go on a canal boat tour like she wanted to, so that was a must do for her.

No complaints from me (except for the heat, naturally).  It was lovely and scenic, with booze and cheese included, which are two foundations of happiness for me.  This wasn't the hottest I've ever been in Europe before, but it was close.  Damn close.

It was an Australia-themed day, the day of our arrival being the day that Australia and the USA faced off in soccer at the World Cup.  Our canal boat tour guide was Dutch-Australian and we sought out Australian coffee and brunch for sustenance.

All the cheering in the world didn't prevent our beloved Australia from getting their ass whooped, sadly.  Though we are both native born Yanks we were all in for Aus in the World Cup, to no avail.  It seemed like we were the only Australian supporters in the whole city!

For dinner we ate an Indonesian meal, complete with Bintang beer, like the true blue Aussies we are.  I love Indonesian food but so rarely see it in my travels.

I would be remiss not to mention our accommodation, something I don't normally think too much about.  When we were deciding where to stay it came down to two choices: a run-of-the-mill corporate hotel, or a bed & breakfast run by a world famous prostitute and author who has her own Wikipedia page.  Which would you choose?

We made our choice based on which of the two we will still be talking about 20 years from now.  So...not the Marriott (or whatever it was).

Xaviera decorates her eclectic, huge house almost exclusively with photos and paintings of herself throughout her life in varying states of (un)dress.

It was a sight to see!  Sights everywhere you looked, actually.  And the air conditioning unit in our bedroom absolutely saved our lives.  It was a marvelous choice!  

It rained - nay, it poured - during the soccer match Friday night, but being temporarily soaked resulted in a much MUCH cooler rest of the weekend, so it was one million percent worth it.

We spent all of Saturday morning hopping between different outdoor markets.  We both only had carry-on luggage so weren't looking to buy much, but we were seeking one single thing that was surprisingly difficult to find.

Stroopwafel!  The sweet delicious.  A closer view:

Quite possibly my favorite dessert item, though I've never once had one hot and fresh before.  It was glorious and worth hauling ass around town to three different markets to find.  Seriously, why is something so famous so hard to find?!

After a caffeine injection at a local coffee shop, we had tickets to the Van Gogh Museum for a heavy dose of culture.

It was just the hit we needed to fly high into the evening.  When in Rome!

Only when we were inside the building did we learn that his two most famous paintings, Starry Night and Terrace of a Cafe at Night, are not housed at this museum.  But there was still plenty of recognizable stuff to see.

Pro tip for future Amsterdam visits: get yourself feeling nice and...relaxed...before visiting a museum.  It will enhance your experience and enjoyment of the art.

That evening was another World Cup game, Netherlands versus I don't remember and really don't care who, as it meant that every eye in the country was facing a TV, thus vacating canal-facing restaurant seats for us.

We got to eat my favorite bitterballen, which to me tastes like deep fried balls of cream of mushroom soup, with a primo view that we would never get so easily if the whole city wasn't distracted.

We took a lovely stroll through town in the blissfully cool 80 degrees on our way home, with a brief glimpse at the Anne Frank house.

It is surprisingly close to the Red Light District, which we took a stroll through along with the insanely large crowds.  I don't have any photos of the goods for sale, which you're not supposed to do.  Respect those working gals! 

We learned that our B&B host, who is Dutch, never actually worked in her home country, where prostitution was actually legal.  She only worked where it was illegal and could get you thrown in prison.

On Sunday we took a stroll through Vondelpark, which is a lovely green space full of families and had one last canal-side dining experience.

It's such a scenic city!

I previously visited Amsterdam approximately 1,000 years ago (Thanksgiving 2009 - 17 years ago) with friends from Minnesota.  I really wish I did a better job of blogging my travels back then.  My modern day blog is a diary of experiences and stories, but back then - ironically when I had all the time in the damn world to blog - I only posted one favorite picture from each trip.

Had I done a more thorough job back then I would remember details like this tasty tidbit: when meeting our B&B host for the first time, upon hearing that we met in Australia her response was, "Australians are lovely people, but they're such prudes about sex!"

We will definitely be talking about this trip for decades to come!

  

Brussels, Belgium

Martin has been on no less than five dudes trips since we arrived in Europe 4.5 years ago.  Possibly more - I have the memory of a goldfish - so it was high time that the ladies from the same friend group finally do the same.

This was my first new country in over six years!  I haven't stepped foot on new land since our whirlwind trip to Tanzania, Turkey and Bulgaria in 2019, pre-kids.  I would say this fact is semi-shameful, but we really did go out with a bang.  

In my defense I've been back to repeat countries multiple times since being back in Europe (almost half a decade now), but I have been itching to tick a new country off the list.

When it came time to pick a ladies trip destination my suggestion immediately was Brussels.  Martin lived there for a few years in middle school, plus the reputation for delicious French-adjacent food and central location had Belgium firmly at the top of my bucket list.

I arrived a few hours before everybody else, so I had a short period of time to do what I do best.

For the uninitiated, Primark is a super cheap yet surprisingly good quality clothing stores that exists throughout Europe.  Not Norway, though, so every time I find myself in a city that has one I run, not walk, in.  While it's always a pleasure to shop at Primark it was far and away the worst stocked Primark I've ever been to.  Boo.

Another thing I haven't done in over six years is order myself an Uber.  It's only recently come to Norway and does not operate in my little corner of the country, so I have been lacking cheap and easy illegal taxis.  I got right back in the saddle and took three Ubers within two hours of arriving and they cost me just over 30 Euros.  The beauty of living in overpriced Norway is that everywhere you go feels like a bargain!

When the other ladies started to arrive we got right down to business.

Belgium is known for their beer, but when ladies reunite the only answer is Aperol Spritz.  Preferably on a rooftop!  Which I was pleasantly surprised to learn was right on top of our hotel.

We spent hours Friday night catching up on life since we were last all together in Edinburgh fifteen years ago.  One of the four girls I hadn't seen since then, but the others range from over a decade ago to less than 6 months ago.

We drank many an Aperol until we were famished, and purposely hadn't picked a restaurant so we could "wing it".  I think this is a profoundly bad idea, as I knew we would be getting subpar food in a destination that is known for top notch food.

While edible, my socks were not forcibly removed from my feet by this carbonnade (beer and beef stew) like I had hoped they would be.  Suffice it to say our first night was focused on the drink, rather than the food.

After sleeping in until the delightful hour of 8:30 we hit the town in search of sights and culture.

Galleries Royales Saint-Hubert

This is a picturesque shopping arcade with an incredible lack of diversity of goods - mainly designer handbags and chocolates.  Not very practical, but a busy and must-see thoroughfare.  Not an H&M or Build-a-Bear in sight.

Grand Place

The architecture is next level in Brussels, especially at this public square.  The buildings are edged in gold paint, making them look nothing short of exquisite.

There were a few things on my Must Eat list, numero uno being:

There are two types of waffles available, Brussels and Liege.  Brussels are perfectly square like the American version, and typically are covered in toppings like chocolate and whipped cream so require a knife, fork and table to eat. 

With Liege, which this is, the goodness is on the inside.  The dough is filled with big, fat sugar crystals that turn crunchy, and are perfectly transportable for the fat ass on the go.  Perfect for me!

Mannekin Pis

Is your idea of art a child urinating in public?  Then you're in luck!

For whatever reason the ultimate symbol of Brussels is this tiny (less than two feet tall) statue of a little boy with a functioning wiener peeing into a fountain.  It is hugely popular and there's always a crowd during daylight hours.  

I don't know who is in charge of this but they sometimes dress him up in costumes and put a mask over his face.

It is so bizarre!  I'm glad we got to see him au natural because this little vampire boy is not what is plastered all over the marketing material and souvenir shops.  Lesser known and far less popular is the Girl Power version with the same theme:

Jeanneke Pis

To be honest we stumbled upon this squatting girl by accident when trying to find a bar, but I am all about gender equality.

Straying from our beloved Aperol Spritz we moved to local Belgian beers.

We visited numerous bars, which was necessitated by the fact that the weather got really crappy and rainy on Saturday so, really, we had no choice.

Our eternal search for more booze again led us to another grand sight, which nobody but me seemed interested in seeking out during daylight hours.

Mont des Arts

This place houses the National Archives and other buildings of import, but what it's really known for is its amazing gardens, seen here only in shadow.  All the travel advice I read said to go at sundown for some stunning views, but as you can see it was pretty dark when we walked through. 

My second and final required culinary experience:

Mussels!  In Brussels!  Moules-frites, to be precise, when they are served with French fries.  A delicacy that is the national dish of Belgium.

Here's something I never, ever thought I would see in my life:

A taxidermy'd giraffe!  Isn't that wild?!  I saw a camel in Canberra one time, which I thought was the apex of taxidermy that I would experience in my life.  Clearly I was mistaken.

I didn't catch the name of this bar, but it's safe to say it was the funkiest bar I've ever been to in my life.  Look at this decor!

It was relaxed and hip and had a great speakeasy vibe to it.  And lots and lots of taxidermy'd animals!

The next day after a leisurely brunch we wandered around town a bit, near our hotel which wasn't in the city center to get a feeling for how the real people live.  It was very floral and pretty!

My #1 favorite thing to do in any country is to wander around a grocery store.

I could do this for hours!  And frugal moi bought my souvenir chocolate here, for a couple of Euros, instead of at the super expensive designer places in the fancy mall.  Smart!

 

At this point people started to drop away to catch trains and planes, and one of the remaining ones was really interested in visiting the Horta Museum, former residence and studio of an Art Nouveau artist named Victor Horta, who I'd never heard of before.  We had all the time in the world so, sure, why not?

Whyyyyy do these architecturally fabulous artist residences take themselves so seriously?!  For real. It 100% gave me vibes of the Gaudi house we visited in Barcelona circa 2018, the douchebaggery of which Martin and I make fun of to this very day.  

The highlights for me were these spiky little fossil looking things to keep people from sitting on the antique furniture:

And taking clandestine photos in places where photography was prohibited, for absolutely no reason.

Photography was not forbidden in the whole house, mind you, just certain random areas.  Fuck the police.  It was a strange visit, but it kept the giggles flowing and the architecture was a sight to see.

My only regret about this trip is that I didn't get to do any WWII sightseeing.  The Band of Brothers episode about Battle of the Bulge is one of the most painful things I've ever watched on screen, so there is some real history here to experience.  Your ladies trip can have infinite Aperol Spritzes or it can have historical tourism.  It cannot have both!

  

I'm also sad to not have experienced it for the first time with Martin but that's a perfect excuse to return in the future.

Thanksgiving Trip to Copenhagen

I work for an American school and we have the last Wednesday to Friday in November off to celebrate Thanksgiving.

Off-peak, mid-week fares anywhere tend to be cheaper, but the boat to Denmark is an absolute steal at 150 kroner ($15 USD) for two weeknights of accommodation on the open seas!  

A "mini-cruise" consists of one night sailing from Oslo to Copenhagen plus one night in reverse, with about 6 hours to enjoy Copenhagen in between.  Four of my lady friends and I abandoned our collective 10 kids to cruise Wednesday and Thursday night:

I sailed this journey two summers ago with the family for an extended stay in Copenhagen, but this time it was for adults only and infinitely more relaxing.

As soon as you hit open water you lose phone service, so your choices are to pay their exorbitant wi-fi cost or simply go without the internet for the evening. 

Not only do you get a cruise to Denmark, but you also get to travel back in time to the 90s!  For this reason I didn't keep my phone on me, so have minimal photos except for breakfast:

The food and booze on board is not discounted for the off season, so even if you pay next to nothing for your room they will still squeeze some money out of you.  This is Scandinavia after all, where life costs an exorbitant amount.

Speaking of my room:

It is insane how much bigger and better the rooms are for 2 people compared to four!  This is clearly a sign to leave the kids at home and cruise without them.  Ne'er a bunk bed in sight when it's just 2 people.  Impressively spacious.

We docked in Copenhagen at 10am and took their pre-arranged bus into town.  From there it was a short walk to the very touristy Nyhavn area.

This was my start to the holiday season.  Normally I don't let myself feel one ounce of holiday cheer until after Thanksgiving, but I moved that up by one day to start on Thanksgiving itself.

To kick off the silly season (as the Aussies say) I commenced my alcohol intake promptly at 11am at our first of many Christmas markets.

I like to learn new things when I travel (no matter how short the trip) and let me tell you I got an education in alcoholic beverages on this trip.  I discovered and fell in love with two hot toddies I'd never heard of before.

The first, a lumumba, is hot cocoa spiked with a shot of dark rum (similar to if not exactly the GOAT Captain Morgan).  It is, bizarrely, named after a Congolese politician who was assassinated. 

What exactly about political violence in Africa brings the yuletide cheer?!  Perplexing.  Served with cream on top I dare say it's unbeatable as a festive cold weather boozy beverage. 10/10

The second newly discovered bevvy for me on this trip is white gløgg, also known as gluhwein or mulled wine.  

I've enjoyed the red wine version for decades worth of holiday seasons, so my lizard brain was blown away to see it made with white wine.  I don't think this is a new invention but it's the first time I've ever seen this genius remake of a classic.  

I'm pretty staunch in my belief that white wine is a summer beverage and red wine is a winter beverage, but the blend of spices used in this makes it so festive and seasonally appropriate. 9.5/10

After rekindling my love of hot booze and drinking before noon we took off down Strøget, the main shopping street in Copenhagen, for some good old fashioned Christmas capitalism.  

I wasn't planning to spend one red cent unless the item was going down my gullet, so this activity wasn't of too much interest to me until a military band came marching by.

It was quite random at lunchtime on a Thursday, but I do love spontaneous marching bands that pop up in Scandinavia on occasion.

After some light spending (not I!) we came up on our second and third and fourth Christmas markets.  There would have been a fifth but one was mysteriously closed at a time when it should have been open.

The daytime crowds at the markets were definitely manageable, but we left town early and I bet they get packed later in the evening, even on a Thursday.  The weekends would be a no go zone of too damn many people! 

I feel like European Christmas markets have absolutely taken off as a tourist hot spot as of late, which isn't too surprising as the photo ops are on point:

Our final stop for the day was the Tivoli amusement park, which was really just another Christmas market featuring rides.

It is beautifully decorated for Christmas, and from my trip two summers prior I can confirm it's beautifully manicured regardless of season.

Apologies for the piss poor photography here, but for a late lunch we had raclette, which is just a huge chunk of cheese oozed onto your dish of choice:

It is my Christmas market staple and I would travel the world to eat various foodstuffs slathered in ooey, gooey cheese at any time of year.  It is so decadent and delicious!

After 6 hours of eating, drinking and soaking in Christmas cheer on foot it was time to get back to the boat for our second night of sailing to head back home.

Thanks for the fab quick trip, Copenhagen!

This was my third visit, the shortest by far, but I expect to be back several times more when the cost of a mini cruise rivals that of a McValue meal!