Canberra

Let's say you live abroad, outside of your home country.  Naturally once per decade you have to renew your passport.  Easy enough, right?

Wrong.  Not if you're from Norway.

Because the Kingdom of Norway has to make literally everything 100% more complicated than it needs to be, in order to complete a simple administrative task a Norwegian citizen must 1) take a day off work 2) fly themselves to Canberra and 3) renew their passport in person.

Did I mention there is a Norwegian consulate right here in Brisbane?  Except they don't do anything you need them to do!  Pardon my disillusionment, but I've been dealing with this unnecessary and incessant bullshit for over a decade and I. Am. Weary.  And I won't even go on a[nother] tirade about how I have Australian citizenship but Martin cannot, thanks to Norway.  Sigh.

But!  Being the eternal optimist that I am (heh) I saw this epic inconvenience as an opportunity.  An opportunity to reunite with the oldest friends we have in this country.

Shad & Janet are proper grown folks and literally the first people we knew when we moved to Australia.  Shad was Martin's first boss here, and no doubt played a hand in getting us here in the first place.  Two weeks after we first arrived we went camping on Straddie with them, their kids and a bunch of his colleagues.  This is one example of how they were so, so good to us when we were new to this country.  We have so much to be grateful for with them!

The fact that they now live in Canberra is the sole reason I was able to contain my rage at Norway for this massive pain in the arse, because we were long overdue for a trip down south to visit them and this was the perfect excuse.

Plus, as a new Australian I feel bad that I haven't properly visited "the Washington DC of Australia".  So much to see!  Nay, so much to learn!

Parliament House

As Shad and Janet went off in two different directions with two different kids to play two different sports (uff da) we took a tour of Parliament House.

This is the equivalent of the US Capitol or Stortinget in Norway, both of which I have visited multiple times (because I am exceedingly important).

Here we visited the House of Representatives, which is green:

And the Senate, which is red:

The colors are the same used in the British Parliament, though the names are American, which I don't really understand.

We also visited the Great Hall, the largest room of all 4,500 rooms in Parliament House.  I had actually attended a swanky dinner here a few months ago for work (see above re: importance, my).

At the front of the room is the Great Hall Tapestry, which is 20 meters (65 feet) wide by 9 meters (29.5 feet) high, making it one of the largest tapestries in the world.  It took 14 full-time weavers two years to complete!  I don't know what's more impressive, the man hours required to make the thing or the fact that there are 14 people gainfully employed by the weaving industry.  This thing is truly a feat of art and the only thing that makes the Great Hall great.  A must see when in Canberra!

This being Saturday, Parliament wasn't in session so we didn't get to see any wild political action.  There were plenty of randoms just walking around looking at the place.  I'm not sure if people are allowed to roam so freely when politicians are in session, but I'd be surprised if they were.  But then again this is a country where you don't have to show your ID to one single person when flying domestic.  You know that happier, simpler time people always look back so fondly on?  We're living it down here, people!

The furniture is pretty fab down here, too.

I loved these chairs and wanted to take one home!  I think all Australians should be issued one for personal use, since we're required to vote.  These things were all over, featuring the Australian coat of arms:

Both kangaroos and emus can't move backwards, only forwards.  Progress, yo!

Next stop:

Old Parliament House

Parliament House didn't become Parliament House until 1988.  Prior to that, Old Parliament House was Parliament House.  Got that?

Just down the road from Parliament House is Old Parliament House which also has a green House of Representatives and red Senate, albeit just for show these days.

Both of which are a fraction of the size of the "new" one, so it's no surprise that 30 years ago they realized they needed a more spacious facility.

Old Parliament House now houses the Museum of Democracy, which has some interesting installations on topics I find interesting, like women's suffrage and the power of protests, along with the coolest doorknob in the history of doorknobs:

I've just now realized I have a slight obsession with the coat of arms.  It makes everything more awesome because it's just so...patriotic.

I wanted to get a picture of Martin playing with the nifty interactive world map, but he was being uncooperative about it so he gets to be immortalized on my blog looking like a douche forever and ever:

Serves him right for not cooperating.  But this thing was really cool!  You could look up all sorts of stats by country, like most versus least developed nations.

After a morning of learning stuff we got down to the business we were really in Canberra to attend to.  Not passport renewal, not visiting friends.  We were there to drink FreakShakes!

FreakShakes are the creation of Patissez, a cafe that brilliantly figured out how to get people to pay $14 for a milkshake.  Actually ours cost less because we got the BabyShake, a smaller size that is recommended if you're eating a meal or not sharing it.  I proclaim that this is utter bullshit; I could've easily had a big one on my own! #teamfatass

You no doubt saw these plastered all over social media when they first hit the scene two years ago.  There were hours long waits to get a table when they first started making them.  Lucky for us the novelty has worn off and we waltzed right in and got a table.  They were worth the hype!  However the real life menu was much, much smaller than the online menu which was disappointing.  But still, fantastic!

We ended our day about town on a more sombre note. 

Australian War Memorial

There is an attached museum, which is absolutely huge when you don't expect it to be.  Everybody who's been there is amazed at how big the museum is, so be aware that you can go straight to the exhibition of your choosing.  Here you can fulfill your lifelong dream of seeing a taxidermy'd camel!

   

I thought that was super nifty.  Unfortunately I only got a very brief browse through my preferred section of the museum (WWII, "my favorite war" Shad called it).  I could have spent all day there, but we were on a strict deadline.  For what you ask?

A flyover from an F18 fighter jet!

Normally I would be pissed at some random butting into my picture but this one I actually really dig.  Nothing says peace and love quite like a combat aircraft capable of traveling Mach 1.8 (almost 2,000 kilometers per hour).

The flyover was to commemorate something that I didn't quite catch, but I suspect it had something to do with bombing Nazis, an endeavor I wholeheartedly support.  After living with Martin for over a decade I've seen more than my fair share of fighter jet flyovers, but I never cease to be amazed at how fast and loud they are.  It's wild!

Thus ended our whirlwind day tour of the tourist sites of Canberra.  We headed back home to more domestic pursuits, like dining at the local pub and playing with dogs in sweaters.

How delightful is this!  God, we need a dog.  Desperately.

The next day we went full throttle domestic and joined the family to yet another weekend sporting activity.  I'm realizing that this what adulthood looks like 97% of the time with kids.

For the record it's totally cool to take pictures of a field full of pre-teen boys that you don't know.  "Our" kids team won, rugby, I believe it was.  Go sports!

We ended our stay at the National Arboretum, which is, um, a zoo for trees I guess you could say.  I'd never been to an arboretum before.

However it was much more interesting than you'd expect of a tree museum, because they had a collection of bonsai trees, and I'd never seen a real one in person before, much less a collection of them.

They listed the age of each tree and most were older than me.  Some were from the 1800's!  What a bizarrely fascinating hobby?  Art?  Whatever you'd classify it as.

We spent the first few days of winter (officially June 1) in what I, as a native North Dakotan, can classify as a legitimately cold place.  The nights in Canberra dip below freezing, and they often see frost.  This is not pretend cold like Queensland, where people whip out their scarves and gloves in 60 degree weather, this place is proper cold.  Literally freezing a lot of the time.

But alas, it was time to return to the tropical shores of the Sunshine State, where temperatures are much, much warmer and our attendance at pre-teen sports leagues is much, much less.

I'd really like to go back to visit Canberra again.  We left a lot of museums and historical buildings still undiscovered, there are many flavors of FreakShakes yet to be drank and time spent with our oldest (figuratively, not literally) Aussie friends is always time well spent.  But hopefully it won't take another passport renewal in ten years to make it happen!

Melbourne Ladies Weekend

You know what's really convenient during a time when you have to hoard your vacation time and can't go on holiday?  Weekend visitors!

German Lara lives in Singapore, and works in fashion.  Her job isn't an overly important detail except when the two of us who work in less creative industries asked "Is that a pyjama top?" Lara replied, "No, this is a blouse".

The blouse in question

LOL!  Team hand-me-downs and clearance rack, which frees up cash to make random trips to Melbourne for ladies weekends.

The last time I was in Melbourne, which was over 3 years ago, was also for a ladies weekend.  Melbourne is apparently where ladies go!  My guess is because ladies like to:

Drink Coffee

Drink Wine

Eat anything and everything

Drink wine

And drink wine

Yes I like wine and no I am not an alcoholic.

As you will notice, Ms. Sabrina again flew in from Sydney like she recently did to Byron Bay.  I can't seem to shake this bitch off*!

* I love this bitch so she needs no shaking off

Melbourne is the hipster capital of Australia, and is possibly #2 in the world after Brooklyn.  I submit this photo as evidence:

It almost hurts to look at!  Shield your eyes.

But that's Melbourne in a nutshell.  This silly and exceedingly impractical sink set-up is more supporting documentation to my theory:

Can they not just be normal?  Like Sydney?

shirt reads: Sydney - it's not that great

Ha!  Melbourne is what it is and wears its heart on its sleeve.  I do appreciate that (despite my advanced age and excessive lameness).

We mainly walked around the city (in search of more food and wine) and talked our own ears off.  Of course, safety first!

I got a kick out of these signs which were placed near busy intersections.  Too bad that people who need to see this won't...because they are looking at their phone and not the ground.  Thin the herd, I say!

We swung through the Prahran Market, which is a really nifty permanent farmers market where you can buy (or in our case, gawk at) fruit, veg and meat.  And get smoothies!

I see Sabrina fairly often (see "shake off" comment, above) but I hadn't seen Lara since our EuroTrip nearly 2 years ago.  We will meet again this year in Florida when I tie the knot, and next year in Mallorca when Lara ties the knot!  Literally all my upcoming vacation time is accounted for in the foreseeable future.

But this time, for obvious reasons, boys will have to be invited!

Byron Bay

Only once in our half decade (!!!) living in Australia have we visited Byron Bay, not far over the New South Wales border to our south.  It only takes 2 hours without traffic (which happens approximately never) so it's kind of ridiculous that we haven't been back since.

Enter, Das German Visitors.

That's a crappy picture, but fits the spirit of Byron nicely.  Spur of the moment, no regard for aesthetics and more than a little grungy.

Martin went to grad school with a disproportionately large number of Germans, who are a rockin' good time and our lifelong friend base.  When one of them, Tall Paul (not small, but tall) was traveling Oz with his girlfriend Melle for a month we got to planning what we would do together.

Brisbane is a great place to live.  The ultimate destination in Australia, I would argue.  But for tourists?  No, sir.  It is not a must do destination.  I always advise people to give Brizzy a miss if they have limited traveling time on the continent.  It pains me to say this, but it's for their own good.

Byron Bay, on the other hand, is widely known on the tourist (backpacker, especially) circuit.  Since the weather was piss poor the first and only time we visited way back in 2012 we decided to make this our meeting place.  It's such a chillaxed place that it provided the perfect backdrop for our little reunion.

Sabrina from Sydney, former backpacker and now temporary skilled worker (like Martin originally was) joined us from Sydney.  So it was a legit reunion!

Being the height of summer, holy shit was it hot.  Not NYC hot - only the center of the sun rivals that - but it was still hot.  Let me get my complaining out now, otherwise this whole post will be peppered with it.  We had to put the brakes on some of our planned activities in the interest of not dying.  I don't know what the exact temp was but it was approaching 100 (37C) with high humidity.  Which sucked!

We tried to hike down Minyon Falls and swim at the base.

But we were not successful in our endeavour.  The several liters of water we packed were nowhere near enough to get us down to the bottom of that waterfall and back up again in that heat.  Plus it hasn't rained much lately, so the falls weren't rapidly gushing.  The pool at the bottom probably would've been a let down.  That's what we keep telling ourselves, anyway.

Look at the top of the picture at that guy, for scale.  Look how close he is to the edge!  Crazy!  It was so far down, even being on the safe viewing platform was hard to look down.  So clearly too far to hike.  Man, he was so close to the edge.  Madness!

So we kept our outdoorsy activities to a bare minimum and just hung out, eating and drinking instead.

No complaints about that!

My favorite thing about Byron was chilling on the beach after the sun went down, with BYO alcohol and all the people watching you could ever dream of.

Singing, glow-in-the-dark hoola hoops, public drinking, merriment.  Such a funky vibe.  We were definitely on the older side of the crowd, but there were some people old enough to be our parents in attendance.  And the best part?

Silent disco!  You probably can't tell what that is from the picture, but it's many people wearing headphones, jamming out in total [outward] silence.

I'm so old I've only read about these things, never seen one in person.  Our German visitors joined in.

For a mere $10 rental fee you could flip between three channels (green, red and blue) each playing a different type of music.  And dance in the waves until your heart is content.  I joined in for a while and even my curmudgeonly old arse found it fun.

We did emerge in daylight hours long enough to hike up to the Byron Bay lighthouse.

We do this everywhere we go, but I really think this one is the most picturesque as far as lighthouses go.  View ain't bad, either!

This one even offers tours inside upstairs, which was nifty and a first for us.

And the best part of all, we saw a pod of dolphins on the hike up.

Martin even caught one jumping out of the water!

How cool would it be to be those surfers so close by?!

Of course we took the obligatory shot at the easternmost point of mainland Australia with the whole gang.

The wind is blowing Martin's hat up, making it look hilariously sombrero-esque, LOL.  Here we have a Viking in a Mexican hat, three Das Germans, and me!

We took Monday off work (one of precious few non-wedding vacation days this year) so we had to cram a lot into that one vacation day.  By "a lot" I mean lots of food!

Throughout their month in Australia I learned Paul and Melle had eaten a shamefully low number of traditional Aussie dishes, so I took it upon myself to remedy that.

First dish, meat pies:

Few things are more Aussie than a meat pie, especially one from the renowned Yatala Pies (so popular there are government-issued road signs pointing in their direction).

Next dish, potato wedges with sour cream and sweet chili sauce:

Better than any plate of fries you'll ever have.

I didn't get a picture of the perfectly cooked kangaroo from the barbie and Tim Tams, but you get the picture.  If you come to Australia, on my watch you damn well will be eating Australian food!

We stopped in Surfers Paradise to check out the beach and myriad sets of fake boobs.

Neither were a disappointment, but unlucky for you I only got a picture of one.

Then in Brisbane we took a spin on the ferry to see the skyline at dusk.

Brisbane is worth a stop for travelers who aren't doing a rushed whirlwind tour of Australia, don't get me wrong.  And if you ever become a temporary skilled worker yourself, Brizzy is the place to be.

Back in 2014 when two of Martin's other grad school classmates came to visit, they took this hilarious picture of a drunkard napping on a bench at a bus stop.

Looks like somebody missed potty training lessons

Since we live only a few blocks from this hallowed ground, we returned to recreate the magic.

Minus one wet patch.

Brisbane was Paul and Melle's last stop on their tour of Australia, so as we went back to work on Tuesday they flew back to the land of sauerkraut and lederhosen.

It felt like we got an actual vacation out of this weekend, even though we were a mere 2 hours from home.  It was great to reconnect with friends we haven't seen in 1.5 years.  We love having visitors, so come on down to the land down under!

Please?